1. You develop a really good sniffer nose. Seriously, you could be a detective if sniffing out coriander in a meal was helpful.
2. All day sickness. Whoever named it morning sickness was not a pregnant woman.
3. Also dry heaving. It delightfully comes with all the same nausea and dizziness but with none of the relief. Why can’t I just be sick already?!
4. Symptoms that come and then abruptly go. People tell you that your boobs will be sore, but they don’t tell you that the soreness will go away just as quickly as it came.
5. Wanting all the stodgy, heavy food. Anything too liquidy and sickness may rear its ugly, unwanted head.
6. Deep paranoia about being hungry, so having to carry emergency snacks with you everywhere you go.
7. But hiding the ginger chews and peppermint teabags from your colleagues to avoid giving the game away.
8. Worrying that feeling anything *down there* is blood.
9. Counting down until the 12 week scan. You know how long away it is, to the hour.
10. Fretting about anything hot, cold, or sharp touching or knocking against your belly.
11. Growing out of most of your normal clothes but still being too small for maternity clothes.
12. Digging out anything marginally baggy and teaming it with leggings to hide the growing bump. Every. Single. Day.
13. Thinking you’ll be Mother Earth and will eat all the natural, organic food but when it comes down to it wanting to binge on chips.
14. Getting a sharp pain in your lower tummy any time you sneeze or cough – and then Googling if it's normal.
15. Feeling like an actual walking hot water bottle. You feel like you're radiating so much heat that you consider whether you can get away with going to work in your underwear.
16. Getting a hairy belly and feeling a bit like Bigfoot.
17. The constant bloat. You have a bigger appetite but after making your way through half your normal portion size you feel like you’ve had four Christmas dinners in a row.
18. Feeling like everyone who looks at you KNOWS. Like there’s a flashing beacon above your head and a megaphone screaming “THIS ONE’S PREGNANT!”
19. Being unbelievably tired and falling asleep everywhere. In the cinema, on the bus – you even have to stop yourself from nodding off while standing up.
20. Constantly touching your tummy – your friends might even guess you’re pregnant before you tell them because you’ll be subconsciously holding your hand protectively over your belly.
21. Checking your skin for that pregnancy glow about, oooh, every 20 minutes.
22. But getting rashes and dry skin patches instead. When will this damn glow appear?
23. Feeling hard done by for not being able to have wine or soft cheese and wondering how the hell you’re going to be able to get through the next seven or eight months.
24. Being curious about maternity clothes but too worried about being spotted scoping out the maternity departments of clothes shops. Online shopping for you.
25. Growing out of your bras and feeling like your boobs enter the room five minutes before the rest of your body does.
26. But experiencing the joy of wireless bras.
27. Ordering a "bump on board" badge for the tube pronto so that when the time comes you’re ready to tell the world, "THAT PRIORITY SEAT IS MINE, MOVE ASIDE."
28. Worrying about any loud noises or music deafening your baby – will holding your hands over your tummy work as ear defenders?
29. Not being able to do up your jeans even though they fit fine yesterday
30. Reading up on birth stories and realising how surreal it is that it will be you soon.
31. Considering moving your bed into the bathroom because TBH you spend more time on the toilet now than anywhere else anyway.
32. The heartburn. Even from water. Water!
33. Calculating how many coffees or teas you can have before you reach the daily caffeine limit and savouring every drop.
34. Grazing your nipples across your bra and feeling like they must have been ripped open to justify this much pain.
35. Casually jumping from having diarrhoea to constipation in the space of a few days.
36. Feeling like you’re literally going to burst because you want to tell the world about your amazing news.
37. Counting down the days till the second trimester and knowing it’ll all be so worth it once your little one is here!