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44 Things That Will Happen When You Become Miss USA

Miss USA 2012 Olivia Culpo has done everything from spinning class to yacht photo shoots. I hope you have your bandage dresses ready.

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2. Then she was all, "This just can't be happening!"

STEVE MARCUS / Reuters

Either that or she was embarrassed about the fact that she'd have to go everywhere wearing a huge crown. But then again, probably not.

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3. And so she embarked on a fabulous journey of being a beauty queen — that special kind of celebrity people refer to by title alone.

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Writers will have to look up your name whenever they write about you but: THAT CROWN. #priorities

4. So when you're Miss USA, the first thing they do is give you a business card.

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Oh, wait, just kidding — they'll photograph you holding someone else's business card when you do your first official visit someplace.

5. You'll know what it feels like to be Steven Spielberg.

Jason Kempin / Getty Images

But you won't have to do all that work — thankfully being Miss USA is more about getting your picture taken than directing films.

7. You'll appear at food-tasting events, where people will try to feed you all kinds of cake.

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And you'll try not to eat too much of it because you know you have to be in a swimsuit for the Miss Universe pageant, like, tomorrow.

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9. But don't worry — you'll be back to your bandage dresses in no time.

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Philosophical questions for you: What would a beauty queen be without a bandage dress? What would a bandage dress be without a beauty queen?

10. You'll have a rumored affair with King Derp Ryan Lochte.

Dario Cantatore / AP

And Donald Trump, who owns the pageants you won, will be in denial about your romantic entanglements. "That swimmer is all over her like a puppy dog," he'll tell the Daily News. "She's rebuffed all kinds of celebrities. Olivia is focused on being Miss Universe. She's a smart, good girl."

11. You'll also get to go to some fashion shows.

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And if you wear these shoes, the person sitting next to you will give you major and justifiable side-eye.

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16. That doesn't mean you won't one day be photographed in a dorky bike-riding outfit.

Stephen Lovekin / Getty Images

Because you most definitely will. A charitable cause will likely be involved.

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18. Because you'll have to represent your homeland in the Miss Universe pageant!

HANDOUT / Reuters

This is the costume designer who will fit you. Because sashes are so hard to fit.

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23. Then you'll spend some time on a sofa practicing wearing your new sash.

Julie Jacobson / AP

You'll be super-excited about it inside, but you'll manage to keep your enthusiasm in check. #classy

25. And then you'll dig your old Miss USA crown out of the trash and put it on Miss Maryland's head.

26. When you wear your new crown at events, you'll inevitabely think about how you have this crown and that person doesn't.

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You'll smirk a bit, but that's OK, because you earned it.

27. Sometimes the crown will feel heavy, and you'll *sigh* inside.

ADEK BERRY / Getty Images

Also possible in this photo: She's watching Ryan Lochte film his E! reality show and feeling sorry for him.

34. Sometimes you'll get to wear fashionable gowns, loaned to you by people who insist you just not mess them up with your crown or sash.

Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images

You'll oblige, but it will be hard not to feel a little lost inside.

38. Your fabulous year will culminate with a glamorous photo shoot on a yacht.

Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images

That's the "World Yacht," for you yacht enthusiasts keeping track.

Miss USA airs Sunday, so prepare to start the cycle all over again.

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