1. The show took place in Scotland’s Linlithgow Palace.
It’s the birthplace of Mary, Queen of Scots. Apparently when Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld, everyone’s favorite eccentric and the owner of a really beautiful cat named Choupette, told a reporter after the fashion show he had never been to Scotland or this castle before selecting it as the location of the show because, “I like how I think a place is. I don’t have to see what it actually is.”
This is fashion — “reality” is but a concept.
3. Trashcans full of fire book-ended the spectacle.
Isn’t it lovely?
5. The show itself was very, I don’t know, Etsy?
There was a very mix-and-match, do-it-yourself flavor to it. Like stick extra safety pins here, wear all your plaid at once like you’re at a wool fair, glue fur to your shoes, etc.
6. Before I get into fashion rules, I must note that if Chanel gets one thing, it’s that cherubic 4-year-old children look fabulous in kilts.
And grown men still look out of place in women’s jackets.
Now, rules time!
7. Fashion Rule 1: Can’t decide between your sheer grandma sweater and plaid scarf?
Clashing will make you look runway-ready!
8. Rule 2: Don’t forget the tiny purse for your chewing gum.
9. Rule 2a: If you’re a man, rule 2 can evidently apply to you as well.
10. Rule 3: Engorge your sleeves and add sparkles to the neckline for a look that says “evening glamour.”
11. Rule 3a: Need to tone it down for daytime? Add flare with a crisp white pussy bow that appears to be on steroids.
12. Rule 4: Wear as many scarves at a time as you possibly can.
13. Rule 5: Make sure your colors are muted and dull at all times.
Winter is depressing and so you should look depressed.
14. Rule 6: Try pairing your floral grandma sweater with leather pants.
It’s what all the cool grandmas do these days.
15. Rule 7: If you’re a man, wear a plain white Hanes-style tee under approximately 28 knitted Chanel items.
16. Rule 8: Stretch your olive argyle sweater to your ankles.
Leave enough room for the flood.
17. Rule 9: Make sure your gloves are shinier than the jewelry in your conehead-shaped hair.
18. Rule 10: If you leave the house and realize your purse doesn’t have any homemade-looking pom poms on it, go back inside and glue on some cat toys.
19. Rule 11: Thick, plaid, wool bloomers do qualify as bottoms.
21. Rule 12: These sleeves.
22. Rule 13: Even a great floor-length sheath with nice clean lines should be worn with a bunch of kitschy accessories.
23. Rule 14: If your grandma sweater doesn’t show from within your dramatic coat, wear a big dramatic grandma scarf outside it.
24. Rule 15: If you can’t afford Chanel, just get the same look at Anthropologie.
26. Rule 16: Look like a bird.
27. Rule 17: Make all your clothes out of blankets from someone’s country house.
28. Rule 18: Hide nipping when it’s cold out with this frippery.
29. Rule 19: Tie a belt around the bottom of your coat. Like a straight jacket.
Happy pre-fall 2013 everyone!
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