21 New Rules For Bathing Suits

In Miami, swimwear designers are displaying their latest creations — the things the masses will have the ability to buy and wear the next time beach season rolls around. Prep for that occasion with these simple guidelines.

Posted on

1. Accessorize your one-piece with a giant sea anemone replica.

JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images

If you're feeling self-conscious about your thighs this sort of ornamentation will certainly keep people from thinking about or looking at those.

7. Eff flip-flops — wear shoes that scare people.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Rose by Vanessa Jean showed some truly insane and elaborate, well, I guess you'd call them pumps. For this pair she appears to have melted down all of Madonna's favorite accessories and mashed them into footwear.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Also ideal for keeping the focus on something other than the body parts you feel self-conscious about — that is, if you can wear these without feeling self-conscious about them.

9. Leave as little as possible to the imagination.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

In this effort, tan lines will naturally be as complex as possible, so make sure you pack the spray sunscreen.

17. Style hair so that when you submerge in the water, you look like a buoy.

JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images

This is either very dangerous since people might bump into you, or a clever safety tactic since people might just skirt around you.

19. Instead of trying to put your cat on a leash for a day of sun and fun, try a disco ball.

JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images

You'll get just as many stares and almost as much personal amusement.

21. Wear floor-length chiffon vests as cover ups.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Is there a more fun way to cover up without actually covering up? I think this spiffy see-through overthing makes average beach rompers and sarongs look about as unglamorous as Kevin Federline buying snacks at a gas station, but that's just me.

(Note: above comments do not reflect feelings on bikin or outfit overall.)