1. Accessorize your one-piece with a giant sea anemone replica. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images If you're feeling self-conscious about your thighs this sort of ornamentation will certainly keep people from thinking about or looking at those. 2. Disguise the shape of your breasts with an old dust ruffle. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images Ooh! Now THIS is easy to DIY. 3. Or, turn breasts into a cat toy. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Slash mop. Whatever. 4. Keep a separate comb for your bathing suits. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images To un-knot them after you stash them away for months in the winter. Advertisement 5. To change up your look, part boob fringe down the middle. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images I have a feeling this Luli Fama line will be popular in Vegas next spring. 6. When you get to the beach, use a sheer, iridescent skirt to really ARRIVE. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images That is, if your shoes don't announce your entrance for you... 7. Eff flip-flops — wear shoes that scare people. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Rose by Vanessa Jean showed some truly insane and elaborate, well, I guess you'd call them pumps. For this pair she appears to have melted down all of Madonna's favorite accessories and mashed them into footwear. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images How many sets of Lady Gaga's Day of the Week underpants do you think went into these shoes? Two weeks' worth? Three? Advertisement Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Mm, comfy-looking! Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Also ideal for keeping the focus on something other than the body parts you feel self-conscious about — that is, if you can wear these without feeling self-conscious about them. 8. Cover nipples with zebra Band-aids, then cover breasts with mesh orange crop top. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Cut-out high-waisted underpants complete the look. 9. Leave as little as possible to the imagination. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images In this effort, tan lines will naturally be as complex as possible, so make sure you pack the spray sunscreen. Advertisement 10. Rouched bottoms make wedgies purposeful, instead of embarrassing. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images 11. Tie dye your bikini. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images I enjoy tie dye in all its forms. 12. Wear prints that aren't floral. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Girly, but not overtly so. 13. Enhance your beach look with a side braid that says, "I don't try." Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Offset with yellow eye makeup that says you do. Advertisement 14. It's okay if your bikini looks like the frosting on a "it's a girl!" cake. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images 15. Whenever possible, use cover-ups for big reveals. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images 16. Also, affix wallpaper to the crotch with strings. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images 17. Style hair so that when you submerge in the water, you look like a buoy. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images This is either very dangerous since people might bump into you, or a clever safety tactic since people might just skirt around you. Advertisement 18. Wear gigantic-ass jewelry. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images You know, stuff that's hard to lose. It's easy to lose stuff on the beach. 19. Instead of trying to put your cat on a leash for a day of sun and fun, try a disco ball. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images You'll get just as many stares and almost as much personal amusement. 20. Or just wear disco balls as jewelry. JOE KLAMAR / Getty Images This needs to happen more often just generally. 21. Wear floor-length chiffon vests as cover ups. Frazer Harrison / Getty Images Is there a more fun way to cover up without actually covering up? I think this spiffy see-through overthing makes average beach rompers and sarongs look about as unglamorous as Kevin Federline buying snacks at a gas station, but that's just me.(Note: above comments do not reflect feelings on bikin or outfit overall.) Share On facebook Share On facebook Share On vk Share On vk Share On pinterest Share On pinterest Share On lineapp Share On lineapp Share On twitter Share On twitter Share On email Share On email Share On sms Share On sms Share On whatsapp Share On whatsapp Share On more Share On more Share On tumblr Share On tumblr Share On link Share On link Share On copy Share On copy Omg It's Prime Day!