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20 Things That Will Happen When The Royal Baby Is Born


1. Baby North by Northwest will be rendered temporarily irrelevant.

2. Even Kate Middleton will be rendered slightly less relevant.

3. Everyone will continue not to care about Prince William.

4. Kate and William's website will finally be updated with information that's not totally boring.

5. A famous baby whose name isn't a noun will finally enter mainstream tabloid culture.

6. Tabloid covers will look more or less like this again.

7. Of course, when the royal baby is born, everyone in the entire world is going to freak the fuck out.

8. Prince William will do this in the hospital.

9. The baby's sex/existence will be announced via paper and pen.

10. You might become an expert in an unusual maternity-related medical condition.

11. The queen will be like this.

12. Sister Pippa and brother James Middleton will go in and out of the hospital, psyching out paparazzi.

13. And of course, everyone will completely freak out.

14. Photographers forced to wait outside the hospital will be incredibly grumpy.

15. Kate and William will realize that their offspring is incredibly important and publicity-stirring.

16. The masses will continue to be unmoved by the news that lesser royal Zara Phillips is also pregnant.

17. Royal baby crap will flood the streets of London.

18. And did I mention everyone will freak out?

19. Because when the royal baby is born everyone will enter a state of utter hysteria.

20. Some people will be so overwhelmed by the new baby that this is all they'll be able to do.