1. Do: Wear placemats sewn together.
With hoop earrings, obviously!
(From the Balmain show.)
2. Do: Look like a walking chess game.
Leave some extra room in the sleeves for storing the chess pieces.
3. Don’t: Wear a jumpsuit unless it makes everyone’s eyes hurt.
Thank Balmain for clearing that one up.
(People who have the balls to wear jumpsuits probably also have the balls to wear insane patterned ones, the thinking may go.)
6. Don’t: Foolishly limit yourself to wearing just one animal face at a time.
Note how this model is wearing TWO, one face on her chest and one face on her face. (Meta face.)
(By Manish Arora.)
7. Do: Make your head a fashion statement all its own.
Eye shadow, dramatic head ornamentation, and great lip glitter.
8. Don’t: Forget to wear bathing suit bottoms under your skirt.
Because all these high slits just very well might expose your nether regions.
(Balenciaga, always complicating things.)
9. Don’t: Worry about wearing safe hair pins.
Just wear terrifyingly sharp-looking metal ones.
10. Do: Wear your puffy shirt like you really mean it.
That means: add a cape and enough ruffles to make everyone wonder if you’re pregnant.
11. Don’t: Fuck around with bell bottoms.
Make them as big and swishy as you possibly can, like big mops at the bottom of your legs.
(By our friend Gareth Pugh again.)
12. Don’t: Iron your shirts.
Grunge is in! This won’t be easy to pull off but what a lovely fantasy it is.
(By Dries Van Noten.)
13. Do: JELLYFISH!!!
Also let your friend cut your hair. Who cares if shit is even!
(By Rick Owens.)
14. Don’t: Wear animals that are instantly recognizable.
My colleague Peggy Wang thinks these are panthers, but they also look like whiskered parrots, which is sort of cheeky.
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