1. "Happy Saint Patty's Day!"
2. "Do you know (insert name of Irish friend here)?"
3. Anything in a fake Irish accent
4. "Top of the morning to ya!"
5. "Say thirty-three and a third!"
6. Literally anything about potatoes

Because Saint Patrick wants his people to celebrate the holiday cringe-free, folks.
It just hurts to hear, OK?
This is an awkward question for Irish people, because it forces us to explain a couple of things. First of all, there are more than four people on the island, and of course we don't all know each other. Second of all, yes your friend Aoife is my neighbor and also everyone actually does kind of know each other.
No shade, but if Tom Cruise couldn't master the Celtic twang, we're not definite you'll deliver the perfect performance three whiskeys deep.
Aside from "Please, ask me to say thirty-three and a third!", we're pretty sure this is the only sentence Ireland's chatty citizens have never uttered.
Only if you say Sadhbh.
You can just do so much better, people.
The Gaelic language is a powerful, deeply meaningful part of Irish culture. Yelling "póg mo thóin" repeatedly from a rickshaw in Temple Bar at 3 a.m., though? Not so much.
Sure, loads of Irish people love a good tipple, and it's no secret that our whiskey is some of the best in the world. In reality, though, Ireland doesn't even hit the top 20 countries for alcohol consumption per capita, so you might want to rethink your image of the Emerald Isle's boozy behavior!
Believe it or not, most Irish people have never so much as seen a box of Lucky Charms. The cereal is an American invention, and you'd struggle to find a box of the sweet stuff in Ireland!
We'll bet our pot of gold that we've heard whatever you were going to say a good couple of hundred times before.
This one is a biggie. The history between Ireland and the UK has been tense, to say the least, and this is pretty much the only question on the list that might genuinely offend. We promise to give you at least two "St. Patty's Day" passes if you steer clear of this one!