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Things Girls Know To Be True When Attempting To Prune The Lady Garden

Whether you're a bikini-line-tidier, a landscaper or prefer a naked-noo noo, shaving down there is something of a challenge.

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1. The initial foot-resting position is paramount

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To get a good angle, you need to raise a leg. But finding a safe place to stick said leg can be a dangerous game.

2. Then you remember you left your razor on your bed

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The quick dash back to your bedroom is possibly the coldest you will ever feel , but you've committed to shaving this time so you WILL, goddamit.

3. You procrastinate with other showering duties

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Because shaving is a chore, no matter how great its mermaid-transformative abilities are.

4. You grumble as you apply your shaving product of choice

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Some are too foamy, some aren't foamy enough. The slippery ones make you slice into skin that ought not to be sliced. THERE IS NO WINNER HERE.

5. Now the real work begins

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Shaving is a workout. Neck ache, shoulder pain and leg cramp are to be expected. You will start questioning every decision you've ever made that led you to this point.

6. Then there's the moment you cut yourself

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You wonder if your artery runs down that way, because your labia should not be be able to expel this much blood. This is a step that will undoubtedly be repeated multiple times.

7. And heaven forbid someone flushes while you're practicing yoga pose 23 with razor in hand

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There's a special place in Hell for those who flush while the shower is occupied.

8. You'll suddenly remember that they sell razors in multipacks for a reason

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You curse yourself out for not taking through the entire pack as razor number 2 starts to blunt against your poor, sensitive honeypot.

9. At this point you consider giving up and living with a half-shaven froo-froo

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If your significant other(s) loves you, they won't care. If you're single, you're the only one who's going to know.

10. You berate yourself for not just getting waxed.

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11. A much needed break from shaving will happen

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It is at this point you have to hope your housemates/relatives/partners are not in the same building because you're about to let loose.

12. You stare in bewilderment - how is there so much of it!?

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You've been balding your beaver for at least half an hour and are only half-way done. But your bath would suggest you've sheered an entire sheep (this is hair colour-dependent analogy, yes, but now consider how cute a ginger/blonde/brunette sheep would be...)

13. When you're finally finished, you will feel like a naked molerat, regardless of how much hair you actually removed from your vajayjay.

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Other animals you may relate to include, but are not restricted to, dolphins, Siamese cats, butterflies (so I've been told) or majestic piglets (although that may just be me). Alternative suggestions are most welcome.

14. Congratulations, you shaved your vagina!

I'd like to thank Eve Ensler for providing the various names for female private parts, as can be found in The Vagina Monologues - the play that inspired this post. I was distracted by mentally directing my own production while I showered and experienced all of the above.And remember - your body, your choice. Shave if you wanna, leave it free if you don't! There are no rules here, despite what society and porn and pressures might have you believe.
Via youbeauty.com

I'd like to thank Eve Ensler for providing the various names for female private parts, as can be found in The Vagina Monologues - the play that inspired this post. I was distracted by mentally directing my own production while I showered and experienced all of the above.

And remember - your body, your choice. Shave if you wanna, leave it free if you don't! There are no rules here, despite what society and porn and pressures might have you believe.

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