1. Money is the root of all happiness.
2. Champagne is a good replacement for having friends.
3. If you want your possessions back, exchange your girlfriend for them.
4. Marry a prince even though you don't really love him.
5. If people are boring you at a party, don't leave. Instead, get drunk.
6. When your S.O. dumps you, sleep with their best friend a few hours later.
7. Having a threesome with your girlfriend and your BFF who used to be in love with you is a great idea.
8. Fake your own death to "protect" your family.
9. Waffles make everything better.
10. If you want to get a girl, do everything EXCEPT for telling her you love her — especially if you actually do.
11. The bow, most definitely, goes on the right.
12. If you want more money from your parents, hire a fake daughter to extort millions of dollars from them.
13. Sleep with everyone in your friendship group.
14. When your ex husband gives you fake cancer, it means you should get back together with him.
15. Make a sex tape seducing your best friend's boyfriend to get revenge.
16. If you're really rich, you'll get served in a trendy bar when you're 16.
17. Be really passive aggressive about your best friend's relationship.
18. Become an anonymous blogger and isolate most of your family and friends in order to get the girl of your dreams.
19. And most importantly, the world NEEDS Gossip Girl.
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