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This Woman Inspired A Dialogue About Agreeing With Men's Compliments And People Are Nodding

"Because for some reason women are required to be beautiful, but also oblivious to it."

Feminista Jones is an author, activist, and full-time social worker based in Philadelphia. She often uses her social media channels to affect discussions about women's issues, particularly for women of color.

Feminista Jones

On Friday, Jones jokingly tweeted a challenge "to piss off a man today." "Tell him you agree with his compliment of you," she wrote.

She told BuzzFeed News she was compelled to talk about this idea online based on numerous articles written about this dynamic and her own experiences, with a "tongue-in-cheek" approach.

"It's not a new idea, but in my own experience when [a man] complimented me and I say, 'I agree,' they get upset," Jones said. "It’s the idea that they bestow the compliment on you, and you’re not supposed to be aware of it."

In her thread, she further explained that numerous men in her real life have taken offense to her simply accepting a compliment, and/or agreeing with them.


"Generally we’re taught that we’re not supposed to compliment ourselves," Jones added. "When a woman does that, she needs to be humble."

She said she found this assumption that society subscribes to profoundly "interesting."

A woman immediately responded to Jones' tweets with a screenshot of an exchange she had with a man who direct-messaged her a compliment. When she agreed with him, he retracted his compliment.

Another woman shared and screenshotted an old Tinder conversation she had.

And many more women were inspired to share their anecdotes.


Most others were simply nodding their heads along vigorously.


Jones said she thinks she is "an excellent writer," but "people tell me that it’s not for me to decide. ... You’re not supposed to have that confidence about yourself," she said.

"Why are people so bothered by someone having self-confidence and self-love?" Jones asked rhetorically.

"We have a culture that says it’s 'rude' — we obligate people to be appreciative of a compliment," she added.

Jones acknowledges that NOT ALL MEN do this. However, she challenged men who don't subscribe to this idea, or who've never observed it, to simply "listen to what women are saying."

Feminista Jones

"This is my blanket commentary: Just because you don’t do it or you don’t see it being done, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen," she said. "When men go, 'Not all men,' they make it about 'I’ve never seen it, I've never done it…so it can’t be true.'”

"I’m saying to listen to what women are saying — try to understand what’s going on," she added.


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