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19 Brutally Honest Confessions From A Waitrose Employee

There's more to it than coffee and quinoa.

1. Even we find some of the stuff we sell ridiculous.

Twitter: @Precipus

We know that ostrich eggs, Christmas dinner dog food, and pineapple-flavoured cottage cheese aren't essential. Don't worry.

2. But we do hate it when you mispronounce quinoa.

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It’s keen-wa, not kwin-oa.

3. We tidy the shop twice a day and it's the absolute worst because customers are messy.

Walt Disney

You have not known suffering until you’ve made an aisle of crisps look "pretty".

4. In fact, we can’t go a shift without finding somebody’s empty coffee cup festering on a shelf.

Monami Entertainment

You got the coffee for free. Please don’t make me touch your dirty cup.

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5. There’s no pain quite like seeing your perfect aisle ruined just moments later.

20th Century Fox

Nooooooo!

6. Yes, we get 25% discount in John Lewis. Yes, you can probably borrow it.

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Ask nicely, though.

7. We find those "temporarily unavailable" stickers on everything when we get home.

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Seriously: everything.

8. Working in food retail at Christmas is literal hell on earth.

Warner Bros

Unimaginable numbers of customers cram into the store, and stacking shelves on Christmas Eve doesn't exactly help the Christmas spirit. The only silver lining is the overtime pay.

9. Even the poshest Waitrose customers become savages in the Christmas queues.

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Those hidden orange Christmas puddings by Heston sell out pretty fast, and they cause a frenzy.

10. But we do get armed with chocolate to keep customers calm.

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Handing these bad boys out in the queue really does work.

11. We spend a lot of time trying to look busy when customers are in our way.

Island Pictures

This often happens when customers decide to have a 20-minute debate directly in front of the aisle we want to put something into.

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12. Working on frozen is a form of torture.

The Weinstein Company

We're given special gloves, but the cold gets to us eventually.

13. But we do use the giant freezer in the warehouse as a quiet place when it all gets too much.

Walt Disney

It's really awkward when somebody finds you in there though.

14. We don't understand the bread selection screen on the checkout either.

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What even is a grande rustic?

15. We’re trained to ask you if there’s anything else we can help you with, and we hate it when you say yes.

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16. We really don't care about how many green tokens you take.

waitrose.com

TAKE THEM ALL.

17. We don’t have to clock in and out for our breaks, which means we always take longer than we should. But we can't be blamed when the food in the dining room is this good.

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18. We spend so much time in Waitrose that visiting other supermarkets can be a culture shock.

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19. And finally: We can't promise not to judge you if you only come in for your free coffee.

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At least buy something.

Note: This post was written under a pseudonym.

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