Hi, my name is Matt, I'm a 28-year-old Taurus, and I don't have a microwave.
Matt Kiebus / BuzzFeed
I'm also averse to exerting effort (aka lazy), and as a result my refrigerator is a place where leftovers go to die.
Matt Kiebus / BuzzFeed
Disclaimer: I'm not completely helpless and wasteful. I frequently use the stovetop and oven to reheat pizza, Chinese food, and the rare chicken breasts I cook myself. (You know, the classics.) But I'll be the first to admit most perishables perish here.
So when I saw this photo of an alleged college student heating up their leftovers with a hair dryer on Reddit, I thought it would be interesting to see if it actually worked.
imgur.com / Via reddit.com
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After all, I had my girlfriend's hair dryer...
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
And her four-day-old Thai leftovers.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
As you can see, I was brimming with optimism.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
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ONE MINUTE: The Thai food was cold as fuck and tasted like a foot.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
This is the face of a man full of regret.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
TWO MINUTES: The Thai food was still pretty far below room temperature. The hot air is barely making a dent.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
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However, the Mets were still winning and therefore I was still happy.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
THREE MINUTES: Getting closer to becoming edible. The top layer could be considered room temperature in a cool room. However, the congealed noodle I ate from the bottom made me gag.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
So I mixed around the chicken and noodles and came close to putting the hair dryer directly in the leftovers.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
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FOUR MINUTES: It's a pain in the ass to continually stir the food while using the hair dryer, BUT this is actually working!
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
I'm pretty sure the hair dryer may have grazed a noodle at this point and I was hoping my girlfriend wouldn't notice.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
FIVE MINUTES: Ladies and gentlemen, we have edible Thai food! And by edible I mean it tastes like food I left out for three hours, but doesn't taste that bad.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
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Now I'm starting to get worried about how long I can use a blow dryer on high heat before it short-circuits or catches on fire.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
SIX MINUTES: I can taste the light at the end of the tunnel. The chicken is warm. The noodles are warm. It's even starting to smell good.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
Any minute now the dinner bell will ring.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
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SEVEN MINUTES: The leftovers finally taste like something that may have possibly been in a microwave. I'm a little ashamed of myself, but ready to eat.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
Now it was time to crack open a Miller High Life, watch the Mets lose, and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
Nom nom.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
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PRO TIP: Wash it down with more beer — I told you those leftovers were four days old.
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
What I learned:
Matthew Kiebus / BuzzFeed
1. My dad judges my lifestyle choices.
2. Using a hair dryer to heat up food actually sort of works.
3. It's a waste of time.
4. Food tastes better when you reheat it in a pan or on a stovetop.
5. I'll never do it again.
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