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16 Food Questions Britain Has For America

Please stop ruining the good reputation of cheese.

1. Why are these things called biscuits and gravy?

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To the untrained eye it looks like a cat vomited on some very stale bread.

In the mind of a British person this is what biscuits and gravy looks like:

Twitter: @imbadatlife

Biscuits are something to be dunked in tea not gravy.

2. And speaking of biscuits, how does calling all biscuits cookies work?

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A cookie is a species of biscuit, not its own unique subset of sugary treats.

3. Why is your bacon so thin and streaky?

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You're usually known for going a little over the top on the size thing, so what happened here?

4. But on the other hand, why are your pancakes so thick?

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Yes, I really did just make that GIF.

5. And pancakes for breakfast? What?

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How do we get in on this? DM me the details.

6. Who is Joe and why is he sloppy?

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Google tells me that a sloppy joe is a burger filled with a minced-beef type sauce. This only raises more questions.

7. Why have you ruined the good name of cheese?

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Cheese has the reputation of being a solid, upstanding member of the dairy community – the type of food you'd love to have as a neighbour. Please leave cheese alone.

8. Why do you call an aubergine an eggplant?

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The maths just doesn't add up. Although to be fair eggplant definitely sounds a lot better than aubergine when talking about the emoji.

9. What even are grits?

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Are they the grittier, non-PG version of porridge? They look like something you'd eat in prison and I don't have time for that.

10. Why are you so obsessed with bacon?

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Bacon is a fine, mid-tier meat, but that's it. It's maybe fifth or sixth on the list of meats I'd join a cult for.

11. And what's up with the recent trend of making everything rainbow coloured?

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Rainbows are great, bagels are great, but that doesn't mean mixing them together is great.

12. Why does your chocolate taste kind of vomit-y?

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To anyone not accustomed to the taste, American chocolate tastes like dirt – especially in comparison to chocolate from Britain.

13. Why do you experiment with deep-frying everything?

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I know Scotland went rogue and started this trend with deep-fried Mars bars, but America has taken this way too far and it's time to stop before someone gets hurt.

14. Why are you going around calling jam "jelly"?

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Jelly is something you get with ice cream at a child's birthday party, not something you spread on toast.

15. And why are you calling crisps "chips"?

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Chips are something you get from a chip shop when you're too lazy too cook anything, not something you eat as a casual snack between meals.

16. What the fuck is going on with your portion sizes?

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17. And sweet potato and marshmallows? What?

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Seriously though, what?

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