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1. Thick crew socks you'll want to give to your favorite person. Your heart and sole, if you will.
2. An enamel pin that screams "there's no otter person I'd rather spend Valentine's Day with than you."
3. A locket necklace complete with a secret piece of paper that you can write a secret personalized message on.
4. A pill-shaped lipstick made with a duo-colored core to give your lips the perfect flush. Excuse me while I swoon.
5. Daenerys and Jon Snow action figures for your GOT-partner. (READ: the person you would murder if they watched an episode without you.)
6. A Harry Potter-inspired cookbook to up your Valentine's Day dessert game. Treacle tarts and cauldron cakes, FTW.
7. An adjustable gold and opal ring rumored to have inspired the song "Take My Breath Away".
8. A chocolate fondue maker to turn the most decadent of V-Day traditions — chocolate strawberries, obviously — into something you can actually make! Like, by yourself!
9. A hanging plush sloth for the loved one who actually wanted a trip to the Costa Rican sloth sanctuary. One day, my love. One day.
10. A voucher book filled with redeemable coupons for cuddle sessions, candlelit baths, breakfasts in bed, and more. #romance
11. A vinyl record you can personalize with your own audio recording. Psst, this super sweet gift is compatible with all record players!
12. A hand cream trio made from coconut oil, shea butter, and aloe. They're also infused with delicious scents: picture notes of grapefruit, gardenia, and green apple.
13. Heart-shaped hoop earrings because wearing your heart on your sleeve is so 2017, am I right? Wear it on your ears, people!
14. A cocktail recipe book filled with Shakespeare-inspired beverages. The perfect combination of margaritas and Macbeth, if you will.
15. Plush slippers for the Valentine who has stolen a pizza your heart. Or, you know, for the person who just really loves pizza.
16. A stovetop popcorn maker any movie buff will seriously appreciate. This'll turn your kitchen into a (significantly less expensive) concession stand.
17. A sterling silver necklace so dainty, you'll be tempted to keep it for yourself. But you shouldn't! Don't be selfish!
18. A dozen rainbow-colored roses that are freshly-cut and shipped fresh, meaning they'll last much longer.
19. A fill-in-the-blank journal sure to put a huge-ass smile on your loved one's face. So mushy, so cheesy, so fun.
20. A Cadbury box complete with ten chocolate bars. READ: Much better than heart-shaped boxes in which flavors are not clear.
21. A game of prosecco pong that screams "LET'S THROW A GALENTINE'S DAY PARTY!" It's like the Kardashian version of beer pong, people...
22. Soy-based candles because what's a romantic, dimly-lit dinner without a candle! Psst, these bad boys have a burn time of up to 45 hours.
23. A snarky coloring book filled with typical married life scenarios. For example, arguing about who should take out the trash.
24. A guitar pick sure to delight musicians and pun enthusiasts around the globe. Mostly the latter, TBH.
25. Pickle band-aids made by Snooki from Jersey Shore (JK). This'll turn any cut or scrape into a delicious masterpiece.
26. A glitter makeup case for the beauty aficionado who has more beauty products than their tiny little vanity can hold.
27. A box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates AKA a hazelnut-filled, wafer-enveloped bite of heaven. These actually melt in your mouth.
28. A 100% cotton t-shirt perfect for the Stranger Things devotee who thinks Nancy is — excuse my bluntness — an idiot.
29. A microwave s'mores maker with "arms" that prevent marshmallows from overexpanding and overcooking.
30. Black gel pens that any doodler would fall madly in love with/leave you for. But if it's any constellation, at least you know they're happy.
31. Tassel earrings any earlobe would be thrilled to wear. These super elegant ear accessories can dress up any outfit.
32. An adjustable bookmark so they can keep track of the exact line they left off on. This thing is just so handy.
33. A ceramic mug that is the perfect way to tell a Beatles fan, "Hi. I wanna hold your hand."
34. A mini waffle maker perfect for romantic breakfasts into bed. Goodbye, frozen breakfast foods!