Top 10 Ways To Celebrate Earth Day: For Conservatives

April 22nd, otherwise known as “Earth Day” can be a difficult holiday for most conservatives to celebrate. However, this helpful guide should provide even the most hard-line, right-wing, extremists with tips on how to make the most of this liberal cause for celebration.

10. Go to the gym

Perform the Coal Energy Workout by exerting as much pressure as you can upon a piece of coal and try to turn it into a diamond. It’s a win-win because, even if you’re unsuccessful, you can use the leftover coal to power your failing wind farm.

9. Ski vacation in Aspen

This may be the last chance you get because, according to liberals, global warming is turning all of Colorado into a water park.

8. Replace “Earth Day” with “Take Back the Earth Day”

Go west, young pilgrim, and lead the charge to free national parks from their oppressive government bonds!

7. Go clubbing

It’s all fun and games until the baby seals show up

6. Pool party

Invite your friends over for a splash in your oil-filled pool because, hey, the Keystone Pipeline has to go somewhere.

5. Build a Fracking rig in your neighbor’s backyard

Because……..why the frack not?

4. A fried chicken dinner

Best part is that the environmentally friendly solar panels fry the bird for you!

3. Watch your favorite movie, “Gone with the Wind Farm”

Because when it comes to fiscally sound energy policy, frankly my dear, the government doesn’t give a damn!

2. Take your dog to the park

But don’t clean up the natural fertilizer after it’s done. Dana Perino and Jasper know what we’re talking about….

1. Don’t

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