1. What you wear to work:
"I love my desk job! This sport coat is really going to help me knock this presentation out of the park!"
What you wear at home:
"I love my outfit. It's going to get all the ladies."
2. What you tell your doctor you've been up to:
"I do cardio four to five days a week and definitely get eight hours of sleep at night. For sure."
What you've actually been up to:
"I eat ice cream in my bed four to five days a week and DGAF."
3. How you are with co-workers:
"Moving forward, I think we should consider leveraging the mobile space with the advancements we're seeing in the wearables space. Jenny, what are you thoughts?"
How you are with friends:
"I don't care if it's 5 a.m., I am not finished partying! Someone give me another shot!"
4. What you eat at the office:
"Salad is a great way to get all of your vitamins and nutrients. It also helps you to stay trim so you can fit into your tailored three-piece suits!"
What you eat at home:
"Pizza is a great way to eat meat and cheese and bread all at once. It also helps you stay sexy because pizza is sexy."
5. How you look when your grandma visits:
"That's a very nice button-down, dear. Did you get that at Kohl's?"
How you look when your grandma leaves:
You got these leather stilettos at Kohl's too. ;)
6. What you tell everyone you did this weekend:
"Hosted a really fun and engaging dinner party with my smartest friends."
What you actually did:
Spoke to no one and watched really stupid TV.
7. College experience on your resume:
"Lots of volunteering. I love to help!"
What you actually did during college:
"Lots of raging. I love to dance."
8. What you tell your family you want to do for a living:
"I'm studying to be an otorhinolaryngologist."
What you actually want to do for a living:
"I'm studying to be a starving artist."
9. How you are in the car with other people:
"NPR, anyone?"
How you are in the car by yourself*:
"And I say 'heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa!'"
*Dog is like "help me."
10. How you dance with other people:
So classy.
How you dance alone:
Feeling. It.
11. Where you told everyone you went on vacation:
"Bermuda was beautiful!"
Where you really went on vacation:
TO BED. DUH.
