A Definitive Ranking Of Places To Snorgle A Cat, From Worst To Yummiest

Snorgle (v): to snuggle a cute item in an manner meant to drink in or experience its overwhelming cuteness.

15. The butt

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I'm sorry to have to start the list with this image, but I promise you that this is the absolute worst place to snorgle a cat. Even as a dedicated cat enthusiast, I would never snorgle a cat butt. I sincerely hope everyone reading this agrees and if you don't, well, maybe you should Google "toxoplasmosis."

14. Mouth and Claws

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These can be combined because the reasons for not snorgling are basically identical: no fur, pointy, able to wreak havoc. Snorgle at your own risk.

13. The tail

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Look at that beautiful tail! Looks great for some snorgling, right? WRONG! Under those feathery locks is skin, and underneath that, spine. Just cat spine attached to nothing. Gross.

12. The back

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This cat is a panda bear. THIS CAT IS A PANDA BEAR. But even the panda bear cat can't distract me from the fact that the back of the cat is a pretty lame place near which to put your face. Much like the tail, the presence of the spine is noticeable. It beats the tail because there's a higher chance it could have some loveable fat around it, but you're probably in for a bony snuggle if you aim here.

11. The back paws and legs

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This was a tough decision. The back paws can often look VERY cute and soft (see above), but what the professional snorgler needs to remember is that these are the paws most likely to have touched the undesirable parts of the litter box. Like a great Monet, they are best enjoyed from afar.

10. The sides of the rib cage

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You're getting really close to the good stuff, but you're not quite there. The rib area is alright in a pinch, but lacks the angelic softness required for truly great kissies.

9. Between the front leggies

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Now we're getting there. Fairly soft, reasonably mushy. Not ranked higher because of how easy it is for a cat to grab your head and start kicking you if it feels like "playing" when you're snorgling there.

8. The tippy top of the head

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Generally one of the safest place to snorgle, the top of the head is also soft and clean and generally not a trigger point for the claws or teeth. Good, solid, All-American snorgling to be had here.

7. Right above the nosey

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Oooh this place is so great. It's not the softest area, but if the cat lets you do little scritchies there, it means they trust you. Well, as much as a cat can trust a mere human.

6. The chest ruff-ruff

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Mmmm this one is good. Nice and soft and well groomed and, most importantly, the exact opposite of the poop chute. Plus, most cats I know* like to press into you when you're rubbing their chest, so they like it, too.

*I only know two cats and they are mine and notice I didn't say "all the cats I know" so actually only one cat I know does this and he also drools when you rub his belly so take this one with a grain of salt.

5. The front leggies, paws and jellybean toes

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LOOK. AT. THAT. TOE. TUFT. Gotta get in there!! I highly suggest, cat willing, putting your thumb gently into that little crevasse between the toebeans and foot pad. Some of the softest fur known to man resides there. I'm sorry if this got a little PG-13.

4. The chubber chub cheeks

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Cheeks are a great and traditional place to aim on anything that is snorgleable. There seems to be an extremely high density of fur strands (what is the singular of fur?? "Hair" doesn't seem cute enough to use here) which make for a perfect landing spot for someone who's huntin' snorgs'*.

*dibs on using "Huntin' Snorgs' " as either a great kids book title or emo punk band name.

3. TIE FOR 2ND: The lower tummy-wummy

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ohmahgah look at that tummy i need to get in there right now it is so soft and delicious and speckled and mushy and yum why isn't someone snorgling it ahhh this is a missed opporunity ughhhh get me that kittttttennnnnnnn

2. TIE FOR 2ND: The Underarmskies

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An oft overlooked snorgle destination, the underarms offer multi-angular snorgling along with the second softest fur on the kittay. More experienced snorglers can enjoy an underarm massage as well, which is usually received with as much joy as a cat can emote. Special packages to Underarm, Kittay starting at only $399 from Traveltopia.

1. And...Behind the Itty Bitty Earsies FTW!

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Just imagine: You’re walking through a sunny meadow when you suddenly touch the softest wisp of a cloud which has descended from the skies just for you. Oh, what’s this? It’s warm! And it’s purring! You lean down and give it the most delicate of snorgles, unable to comprehend the softness you have been honored to behold. The sun shines down and plays with a rainbow; a gentle breeze trips across your face as you breathe in the perfection: you are home.

And there you have it! Honestly, with a willing cat, you can snorgle wherever you darn well please. Except for the butt. Still not ok.