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    16 Things That Can Probably Rescue You From Unwanted Arranged Marriage Meetings

    Dodging rishtas can be easy peasy, y'all.

    Sometimes you can't simply say "NO" to arranged marriage prospects because of family members who are ready to whoop your ass if you dare challenge their authority. Here are some sneaky tips to save your skin, if a life-long commitment with a stranger is not high on your list of priorities.

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    1. During your first meeting, make sure to eat everything in front of you and when questioned why, talk about how you're practicing for pregnancy.

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    2. Or just don't eat anything at all and speak about how eating any kind of food is basically murder.

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    3. Tell them how you don't really care about relationships and marriage because "Meri dulhan toh azadi hai."

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    4. Or you can discuss your lack of interest in human pursuits, such as getting a job, because relaxing IS your full-time job.

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    5. Condescendingly talk about how virginity is so old-fashioned but you'll settle for vanilla sex because it seems like that's all sanskari people are capable of anyway.

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    6. Or tell them you firmly believe in abstaining from sex if the guy/gal appears to be a classic hoe.

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    Simply tell them that you're just not interested in sex.

    7. OR sincerely talk about how you don't identify at all with traditional sexual labels.

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    "I am a try-sexual."

    8. Tell them you wish to have two children — both daughters — just so that you can name them "Siri" and "Alexa".

    9. Talk about how they speak, smell, and breathe like your ex and then pretend to cry buckets.

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    Do this only if you're certain that the prospective groom/bride wouldn't snitch on you to your parents.

    10. Talk about how you're an excellent cook except for the times when your friends got food poisoning — which was every time.

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    11. Let them know you're a cocktail connoisseur and how you intend to move in and redecorate their living room into a full-blown nightclub.

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    12. Say Tinder is the app that drains the most significant amount of battery on your phone.

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    13. Pretend to zone out mid conversation and then suddenly say "Main kaun hoon? Main kahaan hoon?", with a vacant expression.

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    14. Pretend to have inner monologues like the vamps of saas-bahu dramas, but keep saying them out loud.

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    Preferably while twisting your hair.

    15. Just scream "I love you", after your first date to successfully nauseate the person.

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    16. And lastly, say that your idea of a "joint family" is one that 420% believes in passing the joint.

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