1. When the baby decides to miss the diaper entirely.
"Haha, that's cool, no, this shirt was too clean anyway! Thanks!!!"
*Button press* Detergent.
*Button press* Detergent.
*Button press* Detergent.
Definitely can't have too much detergent.
2. When you're running out of toilet paper.
TRY TO REMAIN CALM. JUST PRESS THE BUTTON — YOU KNOW, THE ONE YOU STUCK ABOVE THE TOILET FOR THIS EXACT SCENARIO.
3. When you just sit there and accept that it'll be another year or two before your baby figures out that most of the food should go inside her mouth.
Until that day comes, press the button. Press it, and receive some nice paper towels to clean up your mess of a baby. Just kidding, your baby is great!
4. When your kitchen looks like a television crime scene.
Press that button, and get yourself a magical disinfectant, one that'll wipe away all of your pain, troubles, and stains.
5. When the noxious fumes expelled from your baby's body permeate your nostrils and make you question everything.
You can do something about it — get yourself some air freshener delivered, bub!
6. When you're at work, and the realization that your life is now forever changed suddenly catches up with you.
You need to slam that dang candle button you stuck on the wall at home and re-introduce some Zen into your life in the form of aromatherapy candles, stat.
7. When you finally have some alone time, and you get the munchies and can no longer focus on anything but food going into your piehole.
DUDE. EAT. THEY HAVE BUTTONS FOR THAT NOW.
8. When your TV remote dies, and you silently mourn its passing while your baby cries in your arms because you woke her up to get up to change the channel.
RIP, friend. But this shall not be the end of you, for you shall be resurrected through the power of button technology.
9. When you're almost out of coffee and try to function like a normal human being.
Don't hammer your walls aimlessly until you've pressed that friggin' button and had your morning coffee delivered to your friggin' door.
Sorry for swearing.
10. When you're literally passing out where you stand from sheer exhaustion.
When you pass out, try to land with your finger on the button so you get some energy drinks delivered. That would be cool.
11. When your "firstborn" starts to feel neglected.
Treat them to something nice, like some dog biscuits. Maybe teach them to press the button! Woof.
12. When you're running low on snacks so you try to ration them.
"No, honey — see, you're giving yourself the bigger piece. Ugh, let's just order more. Where'd you put that button?"
13. When you're finally ready to make some sex again, but not another baby.
Pal, you press that button and the condoms will be there quicker than you can say "Sexy sex man needs himself a condom, son." Only in this case you don't want another son. That would defeat the purpose of the condoms.
Anyway, good for you.
The future is here, guys, and it's the Amazon Dash Button. Press it when you're running low on the essentials — y'know, toilet paper, detergent, snacks, condoms — and they'll be at your door before you know it. You're welcome.
