"I had to screw a few salamanders before I found a decent guy!"
#1 motivation killer: imagining your family reading your novel.
Waiting for a drink at the punch line? The punchline never came.
"East Awesometown" = actually West Murderville.
"Son, I'm doing this for your own good." [DELETES INTERNET EXPLORER ICON]
"Here's a fistful of Tylenol. Your copay is $500,000."
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal predicts CATASTROPHICALLY CUTE KITTENS.
"Was it worth avoiding my friends to revise my novel for the 400th time?"