A Glimpse Into Our Future: Disorders And Diseases Of Geriatric Millenials
You think those habits won't catch up with you eventually? Read on to find out how keeping up with the times will come back to haunt you.
1. Twitchy Thumbs
Typing typing typing with those over-active little thumbs will almost definitely result in an acute diagnoses of this dreaded disease - a condition that means using special little digits that have so long separated us from the rest of animal kind will come back to bite us in the form of Twitchy Thumb. Symptoms include: an inability to keep thumbs from bending and straightening in an alarming, ongoing Tarantella of faux-text messaging.
2. Phantom Vibrates
Sadly, our bodies will become addicted to the subtle vibrations of our cellular devices alerting us to messages/emails/notifications. The condition will result in a very lifelike "phantom vibrate," wherein pockets and purses will seemingly wiggle with the warm promise of communication, only to disappointingly turn out to be fake. Even in the total absence of a cell phone, these vibrations will persist, driving some aging millennials to the brink of insanity.
3. Alert Sounds In Your Ears
Some people, when experiencing hearing loss, experience a ringing in their ears. Worse, we will be plagued with dings, bings, boops and beeps we associate with the alert sounds of gchat, Facebook, Twitter - and for those with excellent tonal memories, MSN and AIM. You'll loose sleep at night thinking you're hearing those calming, comforting sounds of friends contacting you from afar.