go to content
Community

17 Embarrassing Church Horror Stories That'll Make You Cringe

"I opened my phone at church, and there it was: a full-on dick pic."

Posted on

We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the most embarrassing thing that's happened to them at church. Here are the most hilarious results.

1. This shitty sermon

New Line Cinema / Via irresistible-wentz.tumblr.com

I invited my first boyfriend to church where my dad was the pastor. When he preaches, he takes from real life. That day he was speaking about flushing the sin out of your life and said, "Sometimes you have to get a plunger and go to town to really get the crap unstuck…like when my oldest daughter uses the toilet!" I couldn't duck in my seat far enough. My boyfriend just awkwardly patted my back.

telethai

2. This embarrassing sideshow

Bravo / Via bricesander.tumblr.com

There was a Christian rock band playing at my church one night and about halfway into their set, I got super into their music and started jumping up and down a little ~too~ hard. My boob popped out of my shirt and flashed everyone on stage, including the priest. I still cannot believe it happened.

laughlovelucy3

3. This unholy eyeful

Oxygen / Via realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

Right before mass, I went to silence my phone and saw that I received a text message from this guy I had been talking to. I look at the text and there it was: a full on dick pic. I deleted the pic immediately, but I'm pretty sure whoever was sitting next to me saw it.

jillc45d58ba25

4. This girl who was just trying to learn something

NBC Universal / Via gif-weenus.tumblr.com

During fourth grade at a youth group night, I was with a bunch of guys and basically the term "boner" came up. They'd smirk and refuse to explain it to me, clearly enjoying the fact only they knew what it meant. So I, in an act of defiance, decided to one-up them and get my answer another way. Unfortunately, the method I chose was to yell "What's a boner?" across the room to the youth pastor. There was a moment of complete silence before every adult in the room went back to what they were doing and pretended they didn't hear me.

alexaleetam

5. Just a pair of budding artists

instagram.com / Via IG @the_office_us_a

My twins were coloring and holding on to marker cases I didn't recognize. I asked them what they had their markers in and they held them up real high for me to see—they were condoms!! They had found and opened their brothers condoms and thought they would be good for that!

kellycrosswayf

6. This girl who just wanted her money’s worth

FX

When I was about two, my mom and I were sitting near the back row at church. The donation bucket had come around and I INSISTED that I get to put the money in. Later, when the music started up, I stood up on the seat and started showing off the ballet moves. My mom told me to sit down, but I moved down the seat away from her. She grabbed me and carried me out of the church. I immediately started yelling, “I WANT MY MONEY BACK” the whole way out of the church. My mom wanted to die.

lesliecelestej

7. This all-natural symphony

The CW / Via friday-night-dinner.tumblr.com

At the Easter Vigil, during one of the scripture readings, I farted. It was a very loud and strong one, and I was sitting in hardwood pew. My mom told me she could feel the pew vibrate from the force of the fart and I'm pretty sure the entire congregation heard it.

gregb4a9f0fa20

8. This case of mistaken identity

Interscope Records / Via malloryblunt.tumblr.com

The week after my first communion, my dad took me up to receive the Eucharist. After, I went to grab his hand and walk back to our seats, but I accidentally grabbed a random man's hand, hugged him around his pelvis because I was short (9 years old) and whispered into his crotch, "Daddy you're the best." To this day, he still calls me his "favorite daughter."

megansirvent17

9. This totally innocent school play

Bravo / Via realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

In my middle school, we had to act out the stations of the cross. The guy who played Jesus, who was slightly quiet and awkward apparently, had a little crush on Mary and every time "Jesus" was taken down from the cross and laid in Mary's lap, he would get a major boner. In the next station where Jesus was buried, he had a white cloth laid on top of him and his boner poked the cloth up like a tent pole for the entire church to see. Everyone after that made endless jokes about how "Jesus had risen."

Jujubeans912

10. This moment of sheer panic

Lionsgate / Via mounfuckingtains.tumblr.com

When I was about 13 or 14 years old, we had an overnight at our church. We watched the movie "Left Behind" before we went to sleep. I must've slept in really late, because no one else was in the room when I woke up. I totally thought that the rapture happened, and I was, well, left behind. I FLIPPED OUT! Turns out, everyone was just in a different part of the church. I still get teased about it to this day.

Betherick85

11. This casual Sunday

Oxygen / Via lesleynope.tumblr.com

My church had "children's church" every Sunday down on the steps of the stage before the preacher would come up. One day, my mother let me dress myself for the first time—I was like 3 or 4—and I forgot to put on underwear under my dress. I sat with my legs wide open facing the entire church. My flashing incident is still discussed to this day.

hannahc4fd7252cf

12. This bonus offering

Vh1 / Via lezamv.tumblr.com

The next morning after my 21st birthday, my family was in church and it was time for the offering plates to be passed around. It got to my turn to grab the plate and pass it. Instead, I stared at it for two minutes, turned to the side and puked in my purse. Right in front of my grandparents.

SamwiseO

13. This mortifying mother

CBS / Via fuckyeah-lucilleball.tumblr.com

My mother and I were at Mass and during the Homily, my mom sneezed and her front tooth implant went flying and hit the person in the pew in front of her. She quickly picked it up and snuck out of the service. It was awkward.

lizz4e0a3009e

14. This friendly exchange

NBC Universal / Via drawnswanson.tumblr.com

My son was being baptized Catholic (my hubby is Catholic), but I'm not too familiar w the customs of the church. When they did the "peace be with you" thing, my husband kissed me and said "Peace be with you" and I was looking around at other people doing the same. So I turned to the lady to the other side of me—complete stranger—and said "Peace be with you" and tried to kiss her. She saw me lean in and leaned back, so I air-kissed. She looked horrified, so I turned straight ahead and just looked down at my feet and was overcome by hysterics. My husband asked what happened and I said, "I tried to kiss her" and he said, "WHAT?! Why?!"

kateb47707ec52

16. This straight fire service

The CW

I was an altar boy in my parent's church as a kid. One particular Sunday, I'd left a lit candle on a side table in the altar on which sat folded vestments and robes. Smart, right? Let's just say I lit the place up with the fire of the Holy Spirit.

honeybeeauitful

17. And finally, this very merry Christmas

Bravo / Via realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

During a Christmas dance recital, everyone could see my nipples through the white leotard they made me wear. I was a very busty teen and the costume was too flimsy. After that, all praise dances were preformed in robes. I still can't listen to "Silent Night" by the Temptations.

sunid

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

Want to be featured in a BuzzFeed post? Follow BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter!

This post was created by a member of BuzzFeed Community, where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss