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15 Reasons Why I Should Never Have A Child

I can barely take care of myself.

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1. There is honestly like nothing in my fridge at the moment.

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Maybe like one microwavable pizza and a half empty carton of expired milk.

2. I barely know what to get myself at the grocery store, I don't know what the fuck a baby needs.

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Like, diapers? Milk? Clothes? IDK WHAT ELSE DOES IT NEED?!

3. My apartment is not properly furnished for a baby.

This is the gaming room in our new apartment, rate my setup

Babies need furniture and stuff.

4. I'm barely getting over the anxiety of making my own appointments, I can't make one for a child.

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My schedule is too full to set out time for myself to go to a doctor, I am not taking off of work to take a baby.

5. I can't depend on Google for everything.

*Googles* Will you plz change this diaper for me?

6. I crack way too many jokes and I honestly don't know where to draw the line with children.

It's just better to not have one, for me.

7. I don't think I'm patient enough to deal with a child.

It's gonna be a no from me, dawg.

8. Is there such thing as parental control when you're the parent?!

I only know the explicit versions of songs.

9. I am WAY too emotional to deal with a baby.

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The baby's gonna cry, then I'm gonna cry.

10. I can barely do my own hair, I can not do a child's hair. I can't fuck them up like that.

My mom was told to give me a half up half down hairstyle. She didnt know what that meant so she did this..

Pinterest is NOT helpful, YouTube is NOT helpful, Google is Not helpful.

11. I go to the movies WAYYYY too much to have a child, and I am not about to be that person with a baby.

When you're at the movies and someone brings in a crying baby

And I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay someone to watch a baby while I'm watching a movie - TOO MUCH MONEY SPENT.

12. I might have not done my laundry in like a week or two, this is DEFINITELY not going to work out.

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Babies need their diapers changed, like constantly.

13. I once killed a goldfish because I didn't know you had to filter the water...WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO A CHILD?!

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I can't do this.

14. I can't even take care of a Sims baby, how can I take care of a real one?!

"OMG, my baby is on fire! I need to tweet this!"

There's no MOTHERLODE in real life.

15. In the end, I honestly think I'm just way too petty to be a parent.

Sorry, not sorry.

Shoutout to all the parents out there, keep doin' ya thang.

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I'm gonna be over here, doin' my thang...without a baby.

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