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    15 Reasons Why I Should Never Have A Child

    I can barely take care of myself.

    1. There is honestly like nothing in my fridge at the moment.

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    Maybe like one microwavable pizza and a half empty carton of expired milk.

    2. I barely know what to get myself at the grocery store, I don't know what the fuck a baby needs.

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    Like, diapers? Milk? Clothes? IDK WHAT ELSE DOES IT NEED?!

    3. My apartment is not properly furnished for a baby.

    This is the gaming room in our new apartment, rate my setup

    Babies need furniture and stuff.

    4. I'm barely getting over the anxiety of making my own appointments, I can't make one for a child.

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    My schedule is too full to set out time for myself to go to a doctor, I am not taking off of work to take a baby.

    5. I can't depend on Google for everything.

    *Googles* Will you plz change this diaper for me?

    6. I crack way too many jokes and I honestly don't know where to draw the line with children.

    It's just better to not have one, for me.

    7. I don't think I'm patient enough to deal with a child.

    It's gonna be a no from me, dawg.

    8. Is there such thing as parental control when you're the parent?!

    I only know the explicit versions of songs.

    9. I am WAY too emotional to deal with a baby.

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    The baby's gonna cry, then I'm gonna cry.

    10. I can barely do my own hair, I can not do a child's hair. I can't fuck them up like that.

    My mom was told to give me a half up half down hairstyle. She didnt know what that meant so she did this..

    Pinterest is NOT helpful, YouTube is NOT helpful, Google is Not helpful.

    11. I go to the movies WAYYYY too much to have a child, and I am not about to be that person with a baby.

    When you're at the movies and someone brings in a crying baby

    And I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay someone to watch a baby while I'm watching a movie - TOO MUCH MONEY SPENT.

    12. I might have not done my laundry in like a week or two, this is DEFINITELY not going to work out.

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    Babies need their diapers changed, like constantly.

    13. I once killed a goldfish because I didn't know you had to filter the water...WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO A CHILD?!

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    I can't do this.

    14. I can't even take care of a Sims baby, how can I take care of a real one?!

    "OMG, my baby is on fire! I need to tweet this!"

    There's no MOTHERLODE in real life.

    15. In the end, I honestly think I'm just way too petty to be a parent.

    Sorry, not sorry.

    Shoutout to all the parents out there, keep doin' ya thang.

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    I'm gonna be over here, doin' my thang...without a baby.

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