LOS ANGELES, CA— All major motion picture studios have made executive orders to cease production on remakes and sequels of comic-based characters.
“There’s just not money in it anymore,” agreed representatives at Sony, Paramount, Warner Brothers and more. “It’s like, really, how many ‘Spiderman’ movies can we make before people realize it’s the same script with a different villain? It’s basically ‘Law & Order: Web Unit,’ but the audience pays $15 per episode to watch. We’re pulling teeth here. Also, we’re bored.”
When asked if the lack of franchise productions will create more space for creative original content, the studios responded, “Wait … what’s original content?”
The public outcry has had mixed reviews. Said one peeved Marvel fan— “Who cares they’re just rewriting the same script? They haven’t made Mary Jane a lesbian. The well’s not dry yet. I want more Spidey!”
(Yes, this is a satire.)
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