WORLDWIDE— After careful consideration, Mars One, a dutch non-profit, has narrowed down 200,000 applicants, all of whom wish to travel to the Red Planet in 2024. Husbands and wives of the remaining 100 candidates have quickly urged their partners to increase their spouse’s life insurance policies, while the first team to Mars has yet to be officially announced.
“Jackpot!,” one husband shouted, before clarifying— “I mean, it’s really for the kids. Those things might as well be called ‘bankruptcy.’ But I’m not worried about that anymore. Mars equals Money.”
Companies like Metlife, Allstate and Liberty Mutual have refrained from comment after rejecting applicants for “reasons which shall remain unknown.”
Meanwhile, many persons who applied to Mars One as “single,” are now planning weddings, as there has been a sharp increase in engagements over the last month. One new fiancee shared— “It’s really the time to get married, because there’s more at stake now. I admire who he wants to be and what he wants to do. And if he wants to die on Mars, that’s his choice. I’ll finally be able to pay off my student loans. Oh, and I love him, I guess.”
(Yes, this is a satire.)
This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!
- Republicans presented Democrats on Tuesday with a spending plan that doesn't include funding for the border wall, stalling one of Trump's most controversial campaign promises.
- Fox News anchor Kelly Wright and 12 other current and former employees are suing the network for racial discrimination and harassment.
- The humanitarian crisis in Venezuela is so bad that people are walking over to Brazil to get the food and medicines they need.
- A 5-year-old girl cosplayed Jyn Erso so she could deliver the Death Star plans to Princess Leia 🙏