Earthbound Spouses Cash In On Mars One Candidates

Husbands and Wives Of Mars One applicants urge the candidates to raise their life insurance policies.

WORLDWIDE— After careful consideration, Mars One, a dutch non-profit, has narrowed down 200,000 applicants, all of whom wish to travel to the Red Planet in 2024. Husbands and wives of the remaining 100 candidates have quickly urged their partners to increase their spouse’s life insurance policies, while the first team to Mars has yet to be officially announced.

“Jackpot!,” one husband shouted, before clarifying— “I mean, it’s really for the kids. Those things might as well be called ‘bankruptcy.’ But I’m not worried about that anymore. Mars equals Money.”

Companies like Metlife, Allstate and Liberty Mutual have refrained from comment after rejecting applicants for “reasons which shall remain unknown.”

Meanwhile, many persons who applied to Mars One as “single,” are now planning weddings, as there has been a sharp increase in engagements over the last month. One new fiancee shared— “It’s really the time to get married, because there’s more at stake now. I admire who he wants to be and what he wants to do. And if he wants to die on Mars, that’s his choice. I’ll finally be able to pay off my student loans. Oh, and I love him, I guess.”

(Yes, this is a satire.)

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