1. He started off by simply confusing the thief.
2. Then slowly began to build apprehension.
3. He then thought he’d change it up, hoping to appeal to the thief’s humor.
4. Even after acknowledging Nic’s natural beauty, he began lose hope, and made an unrealistic wish.
5. But then quickly remembered he is a skilled archer, and that no one can compete with Nic Cage in Middle Earth.
6. When threats of violence didn’t work, he began to realize these threats were empty. There was truly nothing he could do.
7. But he wasn’t ready to give up on his sister just yet. He thought he’d make small talk with the phone-snatcher.
8. And decided he’d annoy instead of threaten, making a few casual assumptions.
9. Big bro even assured the thief that there was time to turn his life around by making the right choice.
10. When this didn’t work, he hoped the thief would maybe… just maybe be a dog person, thus taking great offense to this next assumption:
11. The thief wasn’t budging. It was time to let him know who he was dealing with.
12. Still no luck. For the sake of his sister, he decided it was time for low blows, and brought up some of the thief’s greatest insecurities.
13. It was almost time to give up, but he figured no one could refuse to acknowledge Nic Cage in his most vulnerable state. Take a moment to admire the softness of his curves as he mounts the wrecking ball.
14. As a final Hail Mary, big bro thought the thief might change if he could see how his decision would affect others. Possibly his future children.
15. Big bro had no fight left in him, but Nic Cage had said it all. So he made one final argument, and hoped for the best. Because Nicolas Cage is the way he is, the thief was wrong.
Approximately 4 hours later, his little sister’s phone was returned to the restaurant with a change of heart. Some may call it luck; but they are not ready to accept the ways of the world. Nicolas Cage is constantly working to combat any evil we are forced to encounter. As for Johnny, he gets brother of the year.
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