How To Start Your Own Country
Step One: Step foot on foreign land in any way you choose. By plane, by boat, by walking; you choose! If there are people already there don’t worry, not for long with this step. What you do next is kill anyone who stops you, infest them with diseases they aren’t immune to and rape their woman. This asserts dominance and instills respect in anyone that survives. If later on they decide they don’t like how they’re being treated, kick them out of their land, taunt them with the idea of having it back. Then take it away AGAIN.
Step Two: Suppress the right of anyone different from you simply because, “God made you superior,” to everyone else. Different pigmentation, skills, beliefs, origins and so forth? Then suppress them and push them to the brink of death. Better yet, don’t stop there and burn them. Hang them, drown them, and publicly humiliate them. Then when they think they’ve had enough take their rights away completely. If they try to say they’re being suppressed, IGNORE THEM, after all this country wasn’t founded on honesty and equality. It was founded on privilege, lies, and fraud.
Step Three: While still in the middle of step two you are next going to split up your country. Those who agree with you, and everyone else. They might be your own blood, but who cares? As the Queen of Hearts once said, “It is better to be feared than to be loved.”¹ So you’re going to kill your family if they argue in the slightest. Don’t stop at four years, keep it going until only your people are left, or everyone else comes to your side. After all, nobody can argue with you if they’re dead. Then you can humiliate them and continue to suppress everyone.
Step Four: Choose a racist, sexist, cheeto with a comb-over to control this country you have successfully started. He will stand for everything you built the country on. If at any point he resembles a dictator, don’t worry. As long as you’re white with blonde hair and blue eyes you’re safe. He will make sure the afore-mentioned steps are carried out repeatedly and to the fullest extent of his wishes. Everyone will know what kind of country you have, and they’ll come from all around to join. However they won’t be allowed to enter thanks to the Conniving John Doe who wants to make your country great [again]; as if it ever stopped being great.
Next are some example situations and the proper responses.
Example One: A woman refuses to be with you because she loves somebody else.
Response: Accuse her of witchcraft and have her hung in front of the entire town.
Example Two: Someone of a different color is brought into your land.
Response: Separate them so you can find the weak link. Suppress their beliefs and rights. Enslave them and refuse to accept them as human beings.
Example Three: A person you have feelings for doesn’t like your gender. They like their own.
Response: Make sure they know they’re an abomination and will spend their afterlife being tortured and punished in hell-fire. If they shrug you off, keep at it. Repetition is key.
Example Four: People come from another province seeking refuge/a fresh start from the hardships they faced.
Response: Build a wall. Make them pay. Then kick them out repeatedly.
Key note: The well-being of everyone in this country is not important. What’s important is your profit being earned from them being exploited.
Don’t worry, if at any step during this process you worry it cannot be done just look at America! We killed the Native Americans, elected Trump, and allowed racism and discrimination today. From slavery, to school shootings and beating up homosexuals half-to death. Us Americans are role-models for other countries. Our children are in crippling debt before they even enter the world, those who love their own sex are killed, people happy with their non-anorexic bodies are berated and abhorred. In the land of the free and the home of the brave everyone can only expect greatness in the form of hatred. As long as you follow these steps when starting your own country, you are guaranteed to have a successful country that all others envy.
“This is my pledge to you.
And if we follow these steps, we will once more have a government of, by and for the people.”²
¹ Line said by the Queen of Hearts (villain) in Disney’s 2010 ‘Alice In Wonderland’ movie
²Ending of Donald Trump’s 100 Day Agenda