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BLAME IT ON THE MOON

This week's supermoon brought about strange happenings around the globe.

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Masses around the world celebrated the last supermoon of the year, Tuesday night. Totaling to six supermoons for the overall year, It has been heavily speculated that the last three consecutive supermoons were the definitive cause for an extraordinarily strange year. This argument has been, for the most part, proven valid by a group of amateur astrologists and women, as a pattern of bizarre events that transpired globally during said "supermoon".

In short, the extensive list of evidence ranges from the U.S. Presidential election to the North Dakota Pipeline, to Syria, to San Francisco's new autonomous taxi service, to the U.K. delivering online orders right to people’s front doors via drone. And to top it all off, beloved television actor, Alan Thicke, passed away with the fleeting burnt orange moon.

The world seems as though it has been off kilter since these lunar oddities occurred. Granted, full moons do have a tendency to bring out the most peculiar side of people. Men are furrier, women are moodier, children suddenly can't fit into their clothes whenever they feel the need to throw a temper tantrum. See where I’m going with this? It’s almost as if ...the planet has become a little dog gone mad? Okay, that’s it! That’s the one disgusting pun I will allow.

Anyway, the point is clear. Full moons tend to morph people into a bunch of furry hotheads. Supermoons makes for an especially WEIRD bunch. And then there’s the New moons-- which are way more chill.

So hang in there. Try to remember to keep things in perspective the next time you feel confused about life. Or the next time you want to throw a ham at the lady who cut you off in line at the grocery store. It’s not your fault-- it’s the moon’s. And just like the moon, society is in retrograde. So may this period be nothing more than a brief but odd transition into the New Year.

Besides, who knows what kind of moons 2017 will bring?

Perhaps it’ll be the year of the fantastic-moons? Okay. Too much. Now I’m done.

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