"A Mexican restaurant I LOVED was robbed. I saw it on the news and asked my dad what the thieves stole — tacos or money? He sarcastically said, 'What do you think?' Well, I thought it had to be tacos because I hadn't seen a cash register, so I assumed there was no money in the restaurant."
"When I was a kid and learned the concept of exchanging currency for goods, I was thrilled. So thrilled that I would carry all my money with me (probably something like $6), and for a couple months, whenever I was in a store, I'd choose something, slam it on the counter along with all of my coins, and yell, 'CAN I AFFORD THIS.' My mom finally caught me doing it and put an end to that."
"I did not understand checks. I though they were magic paper. When my mom would say, 'No, we don't have that kind of money' in response to my annoying requests (Hot tub? Plz? Expensive vacation? Nah?), I would say, 'JUST WRITE A CHECK!!'
"Also, I saw a camper for sale in my neighborhood for $1,700. I wanted it so badly. I started doing lemonade stands to save up for it. I raised $16 and went to the movies instead."
"I convinced my little sister that pennies were dollars. Then I bought all her Christmas presents off of her for $100 (but really it was $1 because I gave her 100 pennies)."
"I thought George Washington on the $1 bill was God."
"I thought if someone dropped some money on the floor and you picked it up before they did, it was yours.
"I still get a giddy little thrill when someone drops some coins or something because Young Kirk is like 'GRAB IT! GRAB IT! GRAB IT!'"
"I used to think there was a LOT of counterfeit money around for some reason. It just seemed like a big problem. Once, my mom was paying for something at a store, and I screamed, 'NO! You can't pay with that fake money.' My mom was horrified and had to assure the cashier it was real money. I can't imagine what the cashier was thinking."
"I always thought piggy banks were awesome, and I wanted one real bad. I wanted to smash it open with a hammer and see the money go everywhere like in cartoons. One day, my dad finally got me one. I put a few coins in there every day for about a week before smashing it open. It was very upsetting that there wasn't a ton of money inside."
"My brother made like $2,000 at his bar mitzvah, and I cried when I found out because I thought that meant he was going to move out on his own, and I was going to miss him."
"When I was a kid, I remember thinking anything that was more expensive than $5 cost a million trillion dollars. It would annoy my parents so much 'cause I would just go around stores and say, 'This is cute, but it's probably a billion dollars.'
"My mom, for some reason, has always called the ATM the 'money machine.' Like, 'We have to stop by the bank before we go so I can go to the money machine.' When I was a kid, I thought the ATM just dispensed unlimited money to anyone who pushed a few buttons, and I could never understand why I couldn't have anything I wanted. Just go to the money machine and buy it for me!"
"I thought my dad physically made money, like with a chisel."