13 Commuting Horror Stories That Will Make You Shudder
"He proceeded to pee in an arc across the aisle."
1. The storyteller:
"I was on the train when a man sat down next to me. He made boring small talk for a couple of minutes and then proceeded to very loudly describe his issues with erectile dysfunction in full detail for the rest of the trip. There were hand motions. I was mortified."
2. The splash zone:
"I was on the ferry and five minutes into the commute, the lady next to me took out her false teeth, took a bobby pin from her hair, and started to 'clean' the teeth. I had no choice but to flee from the splattering."
3. The night of the living lead:
"I was trying to get onto the train during rush hour, and somehow I got stabbed in the hip by a pencil. A FUCKING PENCIL. I didn't realize until later when my legs went numb. I went to the clinic to find out what was wrong and there it was, half an inch of lead, just chilling in my thigh."
4. The fruit lover:
"The buses in China are no joke. I've seen it all. Grandmothers deciding the bus was the best place for their grandchildren to relieve themselves. People walking onto the bus with buckets full of dead fish. And my favorite to date, a man eating a banana who, when I looked up, proceeded to stare straight into my eyes, push the entire banana into his mouth deep-throat style and chew with his mouth wide open, maintaining eye contact with me the entire time."
5. The ultimate nightmare:
"Sometimes I would fall asleep on the train on my way into work and would usually wake up right before we arrived. One day, I didn't wake up, and the conductor forgot to wake me. When I finally did stir, I was on an empty, locked train."
6. The dairy enthusiast:
"I was taking the bus. The women next to me seemed high and kept falling asleep on top of me. She was also slurping milk from a bag in a disgusting, sickening way. I almost vomited on the bus floor."
7. The horrific creeper:
"I was taking the metro, and a man across the aisle made eye contact with me, so I smiled and continued to look down at my phone. I realized he was still looking at me, so I looked back in his direction and realized he was jacking off."
8. The weirdo sandwich:
"On the train, I was cozily sandwiched between a guy unabashedly watching porn on RedTube and a guy with a clip-on man bun. I spent a half hour trying to figure out which one was weirder."
9. The beauty guru:
"I was taking the metro and carrying a backpack, a massive portfolio, a tackle box, and an umbrella. Because I was holding so much and couldn't stop myself, I fell hard on the floor, slid down the aisle, and slammed face first into a couple's incredibly expensive luggage. I didn't find out until much later that my bright red lipstick had smudged all over my chin, teeth, and nose."
10. The ol' garden hose:
"It was 9 a.m. on Cinco de Mayo. A super drunk guy stumbled into the train, open beer in hand. Several minutes later, he began to unzip his pants and whipped out the ol' garden hose. He proceeded to pee in an arc across the aisle. Then he stood up, started pacing around, and sidled up to a corner to take a long, hard piss. I ended up being late to work because they had to hold the train to have someone come mop up the area."
11. The exhibitionists:
"I once fell asleep on the train and woke up to see two people having sex two rows away from me."
12. The *slight* miscalculation:
"Local trains around here keep their doors open. One time, I saw this dude hanging out of the train as it left the station. The dude on the train stretched out his hand to gently tap a guy walking and talking on his phone, but he miscalculated how fast the train was going. His hand ended up slapping the phone out of the guy's hand; it skidded, hit a pillar and broke into pieces. The train sped up and the guilty guy was gone before anyone realized what happened."
13. The one who just couldn't contain it:
"I was standing beside a family on the train. As we lurched, the girl just started vomiting into her hand. She couldn't contain all of it, so it started flowing down her arm to the floor. The family left after two stops, but I was the last stop so I had to sidestep a long trail of vomit on the floor for three more stops."
—Miya David, Facebook