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21 Hilarious Tweets About Being Terrible At Dieting

"The doctor wants me to try an elimination diet. I started with fruits and vegetables."

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1.

if I had a penny for every time I said "diet starts tomorrow"

2.

Stages of dieting 1. Read about new diet 2. Spend $300 on vegetables 3. Commit publicly to diet on FB 4. Dive head first into plate of bacon

3.

I was on a diet once but then I saw some pizza

4.

me: no thanks i'm on a diet hehe me 10 minutes later:

5.

Me: I’m going to be healthy Breakfast: fruit Lunch: sandwich Dinner: salad Midnight snack: large pizza, mac & cheese, a gallon of ice cream

6.

Diet Journal Day 1: 9:04 AM: Ate a cheesecake.

7.

When you're trying to lose weight and someone offers you fries.

8.

I'd like salad better if the lettuce was made of green fruit roll ups & the cherry tomato was a de-sticked cherry tootsie pop

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The doctor wants me to try an elimination diet. I started with fruits and vegetables.

11.

I would say my diet starts tomorrow but leftovers are a thing so we can just revisit this whole diet thing next week

12.

When I'm on a diet and my friends are eating cheeseburgers

13.

I almost cut my finger off cutting some celery to eat and all I could think is this never happens with cupcakes.

14.

I do really well on my diet for about 8-9 hours but then I wake up.

15.

me: i need to lose weight and start working out. also me:

16.

Me: We really need to start eating better. Husband: Yep. M: H: M: H: M: H: M: H: Me: Wanna just have nachos for dinner? Husband: YES.

17.

I used to have a really good workout playlist but it has turned into a really crazy hamburger eating playlist

18.

" How Is Your Diet Going?" me:

19.

I wonder how many pizzas and cheeseburgers I could've eaten with all the money I've wasted on unused gym memberships.

20.

Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.

21.

This summer i ' m gonna lose weight and be healthier

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