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WARNING: This post is literally ONLY spoilers.
Okay look, I don't trust that everyone who hasn't seen it has clicked away yet, so we're gonna start off nice and slow in order to lose 'em. I'm shocked Cap chose to keep his beard after Captain America: Civil War. I mean, it looks fine, but who has time to maintain that close trim in the heat of battle? Okay, I'm done now.
WHY HAVE YOU NOT CLICKED AWAY YET, YOU SPOILER SADISTS??? This is your last chance! Anyway, girl looked good, I was blown away. Which salon did she go to in order to strip that red out of her hair? Getting red to go blonde is NOT easy. Okay, I swear, I'm done. Now, onto the serious spoilers.
You may be thinking, "Allie, how is this so far down on the list?!" But Loki has had it coming for, like, four movies. Sure, I was a little taken aback by how EARLY he eats it (we're talking the first ten minutes), but Loki's death at the hands of Thanos was a LONG time coming. Especially considering he was given TWO of the six Infinity Stones by Thanos, and never delivered on his promises. Anyway, fangirls everywhere will mourn your loss, Lord of Mischief.
I found Hemidall's death more shocking than Loki's, given that he is pretty overpowered, and there were endless rumors surrounding his ~possible~ knowledge of the Soul Stone's location. Given all the hype around this, it was a shock in itself that he had nothing to do with the Stones at all. Also, the fact that HALF of Asgard's remaining people were wiped out is equally distressing (where is Valkyrie?!), so hopefully that gets cleared up.
In both Avengers films, the Hulk plays a major role, but in Infinity War, we only see him once. At the beginning, he gets his big green butt absolutely HANDED to him by Thanos. Due to this loss, the Hulk refuses to emerge again to face Thanos, no matter how hard Bruce Banner tries to transform. I'm assuming this is gearing us up for a super-awesome Hulk vs. Thanos smack-down in Part 2, but we'll just have to wait and see.
So...PETER DINKLAGE IS IN THIS. He plays a very large, very sad dwarf who specializes in creating awesome weaponry for god-tier individuals. However, after creating the Infinity Gauntlet for Thanos, Thanos destroys all 300 of Dinklage's coworkers and friends, so he cannot replicate this creation. But, hey, IT'S TYRION LANNISTER GUYS, COME ON.
Sooo, turns out all those theories the internet had don't mean NOTHIN'. This whole time Gamora knew EXACTLY where the stone was hidden, and she spent her entire adult life lying about this knowledge to protect it. The Soul Stone is located on some random AF planet called "Vormir," under the protection of...oh, just scroll down.
Like an ex you were positive moved out of state, but suddenly shows up to a party you're at...he's unfortunately still alive, and guarding the SOUL STONE. I'll admit, this was one of the moments in the movie that I cocked my head back like, "Whattt???" But in context, it works, as he is cursed to guard the Soul Stone due to his past transgressions with Infinity Stones. It will be interesting to see how/if his being alive plays into Captain America's arc in the next movie.
The relationship between Thanos and Gamora was both horrifying and heart-breaking to watch. Thanos kidnapped her from her home, killed half of her people, forced his ideologies on her, and never seemed to understand why she hated him. However, when Red Skull explains the Soul Stone demands a sacrifice and, in order to earn the Stone, you must "lose that which you love," Thanos sacrifices Gamora, throwing her off a Vormir cliff and killing her. His genuine love for her is apparent, and the scene is one of the most unexpectedly dark spots of the movie.
Towards the end of the movie, it seems like our heroes have successfully overpowered Thanos on his home planet, Titan. Mantis controls his mind while Iron Man and Spider-Man begin to wrench the gauntlet off. However, when a subdued Thanos admits he killed Gamora, Star Lord begins furiously beating him, releasing him from Mantis' control. Gosh darn it, Star Lord, you beautiful fool.
Thanos is about to kill Iron Man on Titan when, seemingly out of nowhere, Dr. Strange offers to trade the Time Stone for Iron Man's life. The decision is out-of-character for Strange, especially given that the two didn't know each other for very long, and he swore to guard the Stone with his life. With the Time Stone won, Thanos leaves to win the Mind Stone on Earth. Strange then admits that, out of the 14,000,605 possible outcomes to this war, they only win one — and these are the actions needed for that victory to be possible.
If you had told me back in 2011 that Thor would become one of my absolute FAVORITES, I wouldn't have believed you. But the awesomeness of Thor: Ragnarok combined with Thor's arc in Infinity War has turned me into a true Thor stan. So, when he showed up to Wakanda wielding Stormbreaker, his new axe (yes, he has an AXE now), I fully squealed.
Right when it seems like Scarlet Witch and Vision may have pulled a fast one over on Thanos, we get SCREWED by the Time Stone. Basically, Scarlet Witch is forced to destroy the Mind Stone before Thanos can get to it. She reluctantly kills Vision and destroys the Mind Stone right as Thanos gets there. However, because nothing's ever easy, Thanos uses the Time Stone to reverse those actions and VIOLENTLY rips the Mind Stone out of poor Vision's head. It's a lot.
I mean, this is a list of "shocking" moments, and I was properly shocked that they even MAKE flip phones anymore. Does this movie take place in 2007? Does he pay by the minute? You can take calls IN YOUR IRON MAN SUIT, but you use a flip phone? Easily a top three shocking moment, I stand by this decision.
At the VERY END of the movie (with literal seconds left), we see Bucky, Groot, Black Panther, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Mantis, Drax, Star Lord, Dr. Strange, and Spider-Man all literally disintegrate into ash, leaving the remaining Avengers alive, and in horror. It's not often a movie like this ends with the bad guy winning SO HARD, and the fact that the movie just goes black after that is truly a shocking decision on Marvel's part.
If you didn't stay for the after-credits sequence...who are you? How long have we been doing this?! I mean, if nothing else I stayed after the credits because my tookus was glued to the seat in shock, but still. So, once the credits finish we see Nick Fury and Maria Hill also turning into ash. In his last moments, Fury sends a message to an unknown hero, who is revealed to be Captain Marvel. Now, if you're familiar with the source material, you know this girl is O.P. as all heck. If anyone can pull a Cher and ~turn back time~ to save the Avengers and destroy Thanos, it'll be Captain Marvel.