Look, I don't care who you are, we've all told at least ONE innocent little fib to our significant others before.
And this week when Reddit user BigAssWhipSpider asked, "What secret do you keep from your S.O. to prevent upsetting them?" the responses were...SHOCKINGLY pure. Here are just a few of the sweetest secrets shared:
1. This sweet savior:
"My girlfriend locked her keys in her running car with her dog inside while picking up her daughter from daycare. I lied and said I had AAA, so it’d be free to get lockout service. In reality, I ordered AAA on the spot and paid extra to have same-day service, so she didn’t have something else to worry about."
2. This replacement jeweler:
"The first piece of jewelry I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it. I tried to replace it but it wasn’t the same and she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons. I emailed the hotel and, of course, they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement of the exact same necklace and told my wife they found it."
3. This pet resurrector:
"My wife thinks that our betta fish, Mojito, has been alive for like five years. What she doesn't know is that the role of Mojito has been played by THREE separate betta fish over that time. R.I.P. Mojitos one and two."
4. This "surprise" gift:
"We don't exchange a lot of gifts at Christmas, but we do try and pick one thing out that the other person would love to have, but didn't ask for. This past year, while my wife was out walking our dogs, the UPS guy knocked on the door and dropped off a large package. It was labeled 'Pizzeria Pronto,' and was the gift she'd ordered for me! I took it inside and then thought to myself, 'Nah, let me put it back on the front porch.' She came in from the walk and hid the box in her Jeep. When Christmas rolled around, she was very pleased that she was able to 'surprise me' with something I really wanted."
5. This language barrier:
"My S.O.’s first language isn’t English, so he always says 'really much' instead of 'a lot.' I refuse to correct him, and will not let others correct him because I love when he says, 'I love you really much.'"
6. This mayo dipper:
"My S.O.'s favorite dip is, like, 80% mayo. The thing is...he has a TERRIBLE aversion to mayo and refuses to eat it on its own. His mom always made it when he wasn't around his whole life to fool him, and now I continue the charade. (It's a really good dip.)"
7. This snack sneaker:
"Not my S.O. and I, but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally ANY SNACK from my dad, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it. I've tested this with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works. He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see them in the cabinet."
8. This punchline pretender:
"My wife once did the joke 'Why did the Chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The Chicken,' over text with me. I 'fell for it' because I knew it would make her happy and she loves talking about how she 'got me.' I can't bring myself to tell her I was the one who told her the joke in the first place."
9. This mind game:
"Every time, right before we leave the house, I play a mental game with myself where I try to guess what she's going to need while we're out (but won't bring) and I grab it (IE: a warm hat, an extra set of gloves, a small snack, inhaler, battery pack for phone, etc.). Sometimes even slip it into her bag without her noticing, other times I reveal that I had it all along in a critical moment."
10. This sweet proposal:
"I knew he was going to propose. He’s not so great with surprises, so he’s always SO proud that he surprised me that one time, and that I 'had no idea.' Except I did, I heard him talking to his grandad about the ring and saw the heart-shaped lump in his pocket, PLUS he’d been talking about marriage all the time thinking he was being sly. I’ll take this one to the grave because it honestly makes him so happy and he’d be so disappointed with himself if he thought he’d given it away. God, I love that man."
11. This bug destroyer:
"When I see bugs in our apartment I always tell my wife it was only ONE bug so that she doesn't get scared...then I kill all the bugs."
12. This money slipper:
"I feel really bad about how much money he spends on me (food, gifts, gas money, etc.) and he refuses to let me pay him back. So, sometimes, I slip $5 and $10 bills into his wallet, pockets, and dresser drawers for him to 'find' and if he gives me his card to go into stores to buy something, I use mine instead and don't tell him. He'd be really sad if he found out because he loves 'taking care of me.'"
13. This diet supporter:
"I don't tell her my REAL current weight. We are both dieting together and I tend to lose weight much faster than her (and I’m aware that it is usually easier for men to lose weight for physiological reasons). I don’t want to discourage her by telling her I’ve lost twice as much weight in the same amount of time."
14. This embarrassment fixer:
"My ex-girlfriend had a few too many shots of tequila at a party once and passed out on the couch. When I went to check her, I noticed she accidentally peed on the couch. I filled up a bucket with some water and gently threw it over her to disguise it as a 'prank' so she wouldn't be embarrassed. She still has no idea."
15. This fruit hider:
"Occasionally I'll hide bananas, then make them reappear when they are brown just so she'll make her banana bread. I will literally be like, 'Look! You bought these bananas and no one ate them and they're brown...I'm not about to waste these, so why don't you make some — I don't know — BANANA BREAD or something.'"
16. This bee defender:
"He is terrified of bees/wasps. Just the word 'bee' will get him to start nervously looking around. He is very embarrassed about this fear, he knows it's irrational, but I have developed a sixth sense about the presence of bees. If we're outside and I see one buzzing around, I'll make sure I either stand in his way so he can't see it, or I'll make an excuse for him to go inside. I've found wasp's nests in and around our house, and I take them out while he's at work and then never say a word about it.
He doesn't know that I've been on 24/7 bee patrol for him for the past three years. I'm afraid he'd feel humiliated if he knew, but I don't mind."
17. And finally, this ticket taker:
"A few years ago my wife lost her grandfather, was working a job she hated, and was developing some of the medical issues we're STILL currently dealing with. One night, I went out to her car to warm it up before her shift, and found a parking ticket. I pocketed it, paid it, and tossed it without her ever knowing. She didn't need that on top of everything else."