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Movie Sex Scenes Teach You Some Great Information, Just Kidding, They're Filled With Lies

Sometimes life SHOULDN'T imitate art.

1. According to movies, you should be wearing a matching bra and panty set at all times if you have boobs and a vagina.

Paramount Pictures

2. Also, you should leave your bra on both during AND after sex.

Universal Pictures

3. But, if your bra somehow comes off, you should cover your boobs with a sheet immediately.

Screen Gems


4. And the same goes for anyone with a penis. Your penis should NEVER see the light of day during sexy-time.

Universal Pictures

You must somehow learn to have sex while wearing jeans, I don't make the rules.

5. If you listen to movie sex scenes, foreplay should never last more than 30 seconds or you're doing it wrong.

New Line Cinema

Also, "foreplay" here exclusively refers to kissing, sometimes naked.

6. And kissing in the rain is the OPTIMAL form of foreplay.

New Line Cinema

You won't get sick! No one gets sick from being outside in the rain!

7. Alternatively, try some ~indoor rain~ because shower sex ALWAYS works and no one ever gets injured.

Universal Pictures

And keep your clothes on in the shower for extra points!!!

8. Same with pool sex, it's always a great idea.

MGM/UA Distribution Co.

In movie-land, you can 100% hold your breath and perform oral sex at the same time.

9. And bathtub sex? Just the best.

Buena Vista Pictures

Everyone fits because all bathtubs are notoriously huge IRL, right everyone?!

10. Your sexual partners will LOVE it when you break their belongings.

Summit Entertainment

The more property damage, the better!

11. Sexual partners also love when you RIP their clothes without asking.

MGM/UA Entertainment Company

Buttons and zippers are for losers!

12. Sex is NEVER funny, quirky, or matter what happens.

20th Century Fox

Stripteases are NOT a joke or playful because sex is VERY serious business!

13. And no one needs lube for penetrative sex EVER for some reason.

Universal Pictures

Saliva and lube are the same, right?! (They're not.)

14. In movies, you never have to pee after sex to prevent a UTI.

20th Century Fox

Apparently UTI's don't exist in movie-land?

15. And moaning should be the ONLY SOUND your bodies ever make.

Sundance Selects

If queefing or farting or other completely natural bodily functions occur, something must be wrong!

16. Every orgasm you have should be in slow motion.

Warner Bros.

Make your orgasm as cinematic as possible!

17. And finally, those with vaginas ALWAYS orgasm from penetrative sex alone, every single time, without fail.

Paramount Pictures

Because all vaginas operate the same, right?! RIGHT?!

TV and Movies

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