Look, every single one of us has an embarrassing AF story about something we did as a child that we still think about.
Well, this week, Reddit user shelfsauce asked "What’s the most embarrassing thing you did as a kid that you think about to this day?" The answers were equal parts hilarious and devastating.
Here are just a few of the absolute best responses:
1. This crushing stalker:
"When I was 11 or 12, if I had a crush on someone, I would go find their parents in the phone book, look up the phone number on the white pages website, and find their address. Then, in an attempt to impress them, I would REPEAT BACK TO THEM THEIR PARENTS' NAMES, HOME PHONE NUMBER, AND ADDRESS.
I was literally a serial stalker and, for some reason, no one ever reported me."
2. This frog child:
"When I was 7, my family and I were visiting Edinburgh and we decided to go to the botanical gardens. While there, I was drawn to these giant lily pads. I suddenly had memories of watching frogs jump on smaller sized lily pads and thought it would be an excellent idea to try and hop onto one to see if it would hold my weight. Safe to say it did not and it was a long, wet walk back to the car after an embarrassing explanation to the managers asking why one of their giant lily pads had a child-shaped hole in it."
3. This "assassination" attempt:
"There was this one guy in Geometry that was constantly making fun of me. One day, after I couldn’t take it any more, I pulled out my phone and acted like I was talking to snipers who were trained to follow around people who were mean to me. I still cringe myself into a ball whenever I think about it."
4. This unhinged first kiss:
"I'm 39 and I still think about my first (almost) kiss because it was so awkward and embarrassing. I was 11 or 12 at camp and we were playing spin the bottle. I was a really naive little girl and didn't quite understand what I was getting myself into.
The bottle landed on me and I stood up to kiss the older and FAR more experienced boy in front of me. I essentially unhinged my jaw and opened up my mouth really wide to kiss him. He stepped back and took one look and me and said, 'No.''"
5. This mile-high inquiry:
"I was in high school and asked a teacher if she was a member of the 'Mile High Club' in front of the class.
I had never flown before and was not aware that the 'Mile High Club' was a term for people who had sex on a plane. I was thinking it was one of those memberships where you sit in private rooms to wait for your plane and get free things. Basically, I wanted to kill myself afterward. Yes the teacher was attractive and no, she did not answer."
6. This artsy prank:
"I liked this boy in my art class and found out through some mutual friends that he lived a few blocks from me. So, instead of just talking to him at school like a sane person would, I decided I'd get his attention by sneaking out of my house at four in the morning with a big bag of garbage, walking all the way to his house, throwing the garbage all over his lawn, then ringing his doorbell and running back home.
The next day at school I asked him if anything weird happened at his house last night. When he said yes, I revealed that I was the one who 'pranked' his family last night. He just awkwardly said, "Oh okay" and didn't talk to me for a few months after that. What the fuck was I thinking?"
7. This circus mess:
"My mom took my brother and I to the circus when I was about five or six. We got slushies that were pretty frozen. Trying to break up a big piece of ice, I jammed the straw through the bottom of the styrofoam cup, putting a hole in the bottom and getting cherry slushie all over me. I started to cry when everybody was quiet watching the the tightrope walker do his thing.
So here I am, screaming, covered in red stuff, and then a spotlight shines on me. A lot of people gasped thinking something REALLY bad was happening. They stopped the show for a few minutes. The only thing more red than my shirt was my mom's face. I still think about that from time to time, and call my mom to apologize when I'm drunk."
8. This hug gone wrong:
"When I was in kindergarten waiting outside to be picked up by my mom, I saw her approaching. I closed my eyes, ran at her, and hugged her. Opened my eyes and I apparently had not aimed correctly, as I was hugging the wrong woman. One of my classmates yelled at me to “Stop hugging their mom!” I still think about it."
9. This period switch:
"I was sleeping over at a friend's house and got my period early. When I woke up, there was a bit of blood on the sheets so when she went to take a shower, I pulled off the fitted sheet and turned it around so it was on her side, so she'd think it was her (we slept in same bed together).
IDK why I didn't just tell her the truth and clean it off."
10. This crush admission:
"In fourth grade my mom took me back to school after hours because she had a PTO meeting. With my boredom peaking, a brilliant idea popped into my head. I claimed that I needed to get something out of my desk in my classroom, and was allowed to go grab it, which gave me a few seconds in the classroom all by myself. When I got into the room, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote, “I love you Kelsie!” and placed it in Kelsey’s desk (the girl I’d had a crush on and had never spoken to).
The next day I got into the classroom and everyone was surrounding Kelsey’s desk. They were trying to figure out who wrote the letter, so naturally I played along to try and decipher the handwriting to figure out this mystery crush who couldn’t even spell her name right.
The worst (or best) part was that my teacher KNEW that I was in the room by myself the day before. She never gave me up, but I know she knew."
11. This buffalo wild error:
"My fifth grade teacher randomly asked if anyone in class had 'eaten buffalo meat' before. I blindly said I had buffalo wings the other night. I felt so dumb when everyone started laughing."
12. This Weird Al fan:
"I was in a small restaurant with my dad and brother. When I went to the bathroom, I decided to belt out the chorus to Weird Al’s "The White Stuff" at full volume, thinking the bathroom would contain my vocals. I walked out realizing the restaurant was quiet and, when I sat down, my dad said “What the hell was that?” When he saw the confusion on my face he proceeded to explain to me that the ENTIRE restaurant heard me."
13. This fun sucker:
"I said 'son fucker' instead of 'fun sucker' when I was trying to quote a line from a movie to my dad. He gave me a look I’ll never forget and said, “How about we don’t say that”
Edit: Since everyone is asking, yes it was 'Freaky Friday.' All I wanted to do was call my dad a 'fun sucker,' but instead I accused him of a crime that'd put him away for life. Sorry Dad!”
14. And finally, this sweet nickname:
"My parents had a lot of pet names for each other like Honey, Pumpkin, Lovey, etc. I loved to play dress up and pretend to be my mom. But one night when they thought I was sleeping I overheard them arguing and my mom called my dad a' 'rat bastard.' Never having heard this, I thought it was a made up love word like 'Pookie.'
My dad came to pick me up from daycare maybe a week later. I was playing house. He comes in and, still pretending to be my mom, I screamed for all my classmates and their parents to hear, 'How was your day, rat bastard?'"