People Shared Their Most Brutal Insults That Involve No Swear Words And, Honestly, Woof

    "You’re impossible to underestimate."

    Allie Hayes
    by Allie Hayes

    BuzzFeed Staff

    There are few things as satisfying as a well-timed, well-deserved insult...and it's even BETTER if you can positively DESTROY someone without having to swear.

    Warner Bros.

    Save your swears, they're not even worth it!

    And this week, my personal catalog of insults gained some new ones when redditor u/AvPlayz asked, "What is your best insult without swearing?" May I just say: People! Are! Creative!

    FOX

    So, here are just a few of the most unforgivingly brutal yet somehow G-rated insults out there:

    1. "I once asked a girl, 'Where have you been all my life?' and she responded, 'I don’t know, but I wish I was still there.'"

    —u/jeff_the_nurse

    2. "I'm lonely, not desperate."

    —u/SiGMono

    3. “You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.”

    —u/DonaldKey

    NBC

    4. "I envy the people who haven't met you."

    —u/ItsShoesHere

    5. "I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you..."

    —WatchTheBoom

    6. "I'd say you're 'dumb as a rock,' but at least a rock can hold a door open."

    —u/Panx

    Walt Disney Studios

    7. "My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

    —u/Boostar

    8. "If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around."

    —u/Snoo-4878

    9. "I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one."

    Universal Pictures

    10. "I find the fact that you've lived this long both surprising and disappointing."

    —u/p_cashew

    11. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

    —u/toremtora

    12. "I like to call people by a characteristic or article of clothing they're wearing, so: 'Whatever you say, haircut.' Or, 'Sure thing, sunglasses.' It will bother them long after the comment."

    —u/Shazam1269

    Sony Pictures Releasing

    13. "You are the reason why shampoo has instructions."

    —u/BlackyUy

    14. "Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot."

    —u/ItsShoesHere

    15. "You’re impossible to underestimate."

    —u/plaguebunnygirl

    LucasFilm Ltd.

    16. "I don't know that it actually counts as an 'insult,' but I once had to deal with this guy who repeatedly told my girlfriend that he was in love with her, and that she should leave me for him. He finally messaged me once to say that he was 'A better man than me, etc., etc.' So, I just replied, 'While you're lying awake thinking of her, she's lying awake thinking of me.'"

    —u/AstroWorldSecurity

    17. "You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste."

    —u/orangenarange2

    18. "Mister Rogers would be disappointed with you."

    —u/valuesandnorms

    PBS

    19. "I don't have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you..."

    —u/metree01

    20. "The fastest way I've found to end a fight is by just saying, 'First off: Brush your teeth.'"

    —u/thepilotofepic

    21. And finally, this simple Southern go-to: "Oh, bless your heart."

    —u/can425

    Now it's your turn! What's your best non-swearing insult that is guaranteed to positively DESTROY whoever it's aimed at? Share yours in the comments below!

    Universal Pictures

    Some entries have been edited for length and/or clarity. H/T Reddit!