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Twitter Beautifully Roasted That Article About Saving Twice Your Salary By Age 35

"By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones."

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Earlier this month, Marketwatch published an article stating that by 35 years old, a person should have twice of their salary saved for retirement, and Twitter was not here for it.

@MarketWatch do any of you know real people? just curious.

And now, people on Twitter are getting real — and hilarious — about what you should ~really~ expect to have "by age 35."

1.

by the time you're 35 you should have saved at least half your sandwich for lunchtime instead of noming it at 10am.

2.

By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.

3.

By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones

4.

By 35 you should have returned to your childhood home to discover the ancient evil you and your friends thought you’d defeated when you were all 12 has risen again, say retirement experts.

5.

By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.

6.

by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags

7.

By age 35 you should have approximately 10 times the existential dread you had when you graduated high school.

8.

Listen. Meghan Markle wasn't a duchess til age 36 so stop telling me what I should have by age 35.

9.

By age 35, you should have hoarded more books than any human could possibly read in three lifetimes, retirement experts say.

10.

By age 35 you should stop paying attention to condescending life advice from strangers writing think pieces.

11.

By age 35, you should have a big bag of socks that have no matches that you are afraid to throw even one of them away because as soon as you do, you'll run into its match.

12.

by age 35 you should have a shitload of books. some of them you have read and are too sentimental to give away. others (you know in your heart) you will never read and yet you will keep these as well. all of these books have followed you through multiple moves.

13.

By age 35, you should have at least six lipsticks that you know don’t work on you but you can’t get rid of them because that would mean all that wandering around Sephora was worth nothing

14.

By age 35 you should be able to re-watch Bridget Jones and think 'You're only 30 and you manage to afford to live alone?'

15.

by age 35 you should have one pair of jeans you like and a four shirt rotation

16.

by age 35 you should have figured out that your period skips a day and then comes back but every single time you think it's over and get annoyingly surprised the next day

17.

By age 35, you should have destroyed two death stars and redeemed the most feared villian in the Galaxy.

18.

By age 35 you’ve likely eaten well more than twice your weight in cheese.

19.

By age 35 you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes one size too small that you keep in eternal optimism that you'll fit in them again one day.

20.

By age 35, you should have gained, lost and regained 1 imperial throne, conquered not 1 but 2 other empires with Roman credentials, turned the greatest church in the world into the greatest mosque, beaten Dracula, married 5 times & written a little poem, retirement experts say. https://t.co/dtZMQgTait

21.

By age 35 you should have a list of documentaries you tell people you want to watch but you don’t watch them because you just never feel like you’re in the right mood.

22.

By age 35, millennials should have 40,000 avocado toasts set aside for retirement.

23.

By age 35, you should have a cabinet full of cups and glasses that, in your mind, each have their own specific use, and should make you quietly appalled when a guest uses them for the wrong beverage

24.

By age 35, you should appear in at least one Epilogue where you reflect on all you've learned, contemplate your future, and potentially hint at a sequel.

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