1. OK, we are really doing this?
2. We should probably set a maximum budget.
3. But what if our DREAM HOUSE is only a little bit more than that?
4. OK, so we're a little bit flexible, but don't tell the realtor that.
5. Wait, do we need to hire a realtor?
6. How does that work? Do we pay them by the hour to show us houses or do they only make money when we buy a house?
7. Oh, good, the second thing.
8. Here we go! We are DOING THIS.
9. Let's look at listings online to get some ideas of what we want and can afford.
10. But first, let's look at giant dream homes we could never afford, because #GOALS.
11. I love the Craftsman style homes.
12. But I know my partner wants something modern.
13. How will we ever decide?
14. It's fine. We will find the right house and we will know it.
15. OK! I think we are ready to go to some open houses!
16. Wait. This house looks NOTHING like the pictures online.
17. And what's that weird smell?
18. It's the smell of our dreams for the future dying.
19. Wait — they already have three offers? On this house?
20. What do they know that we don't? Maybe this house is secretly amazing?!
21. No. It's not our house. NEXT.
22. Wait, this one is pretty nice. Much nicer than the last 18 houses we've seen.
23. But, it only has three bedrooms. We wanted four.
24. Seriously, how many overnight guests do we really think we will have at any one time?
25. The backyard is amazing.
26. But the bedrooms are kind of small. Like, that one upstairs won't fit a queen bed.
27. It's big enough for a crib.
28. WHOA. One thing at a time. (DEEP BREATH)
29. Seriously, though. It has more things on our wish list than any other house we've seen and the neighborhood is awesome.
30. It is pretty nice, and the things we don't like are things that can be fixed when we have some money.
31. Plus, it's neither a Craftsman or modern, but we both really love it.
32. OMG. Are we considering this house?
33. Maybe. We should explore the neighborhood and make sure there's good pizza.
34. Now that we've slept on it, do we still love the house?
35. The pizza was good, the neighborhood is dope, and I can live with a small bedroom for that backyard.
36. Let's call the realtor.
37. OMG. Did we really just make an offer on a house? We're so grown up!
38. Did we offer enough?
39. Did we offer too much? Can we afford 20% of that?
40. This waiting is the absolute worst. Can't they just decide?
41. Here we go, our agent is calling!
42. Holy. Shit. They accepted our offer.
43. I'm going to throw up.
44. What have we done?
45. Wait, this is actually amazing and exciting!
46. And terrifying. I'm terrified.
47. No turning back now...
48. We are buying a house!
49. OUR house!
50. What the hell is escrow and how long does it take?
51. For the love of God, how much paperwork do we have to sign?
52. Oh, look! More paperwork.
53. Let's just drive by and look at our house again.
54. It looks different now that we know it's going to be ours.
55. We are going to need new furniture.
56. We are going to need to pick out paint colors because I hate the beige and brown scheme they've got going.
57. How are there so many paint colors? Seriously, there's like a thousand different shades of of every single color. It's too much.
58. We really need to update that kitchen. Is that expensive?
59. Oh, shit. That's SO expensive.
60. How can we get in touch with those Property Brothers? They would know what to do.
61. Seriously, escrow is foreeeeeeever. I just want to live in our house!
62. Oh wait, still have to sign even more documents.
63. And decide on a goddamn paint color scheme already.
64. We should pick a gender neutral color for that one room, so we don't have to paint again when we are ready for a baby.
65. Who can afford a baby? We have a mortgage to think about!
66. Wow, 30 years is a looooong time to be in debt.
67. Better than throwing away rent money for 30 years and having nothing to show for it.
68. Look at how smart and responsible we are!
69. Yup, totally ready for babies.
70. End of escrow = down payment due.
71. I'm gonna vomit again.
72. So, that's it? It's our house now?
73. I can't believe we have the keys.
74. Let's do this. Open the door.
75. How soon can we get the cable and internet installed?
76. It's completely empty, and it needs work, and it's smaller than I remember.
77. And it's all ours.
78. Home sweet home.
79. Empty house = naked dance party time.
80. I can't believe we get to live here.
81. I love you.
82. Let's order pizza.
