1. “Whoa, look at that big belly! Are you having twins?”
HAHAHAHAHA. Nope, just the one, but thanks for that.
2. “Oh, I can tell it’s a boy/girl because you’re carrying most of the weight in your face.”
3. “You know, they say that baby girls in the womb steal all the beauty from their pregnant mothers.”
What the hell am I supposed to do with that?
4. When finding out your baby’s sex: “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure the next one will be a boy/girl!”
Oh, I’m sorry — will YOU be carrying “the next one” and paying for its college education? NO? Then let’s just worry about the one I’m having now.
5. “Ugh, I do not want to have kids. Ever.”
And that’s your choice! I’m excited about mine! Isn’t it great to decide what’s right for yourself?
6. “Shouldn’t you be eating a little healthier?”
Shouldn’t you shut the hell up and hand me a doughnut?
7. “Remember, whatever weight you put on, you’re gonna have to lose it eventually!”
I HAVE TO? Says who? How about I just work on keeping myself and my baby healthy and happy?
8. “I thought you wanted a career.”
And maybe I still do! It’s lovely to have options.
9. “I read this article about vaccines…”
I’m gonna stop you riiiiight there. Please don’t give me your internet-sourced advice on the healthcare of my child.
10. “I have to tell you the horror story of my friend’s birth experience.”
No, really. You don’t.
11. “What’s your plan for getting your body back after the baby is born?”
I’m pretty sure my body is still right here, growing a miracle.
12. “But kids are SO expensive!”
I know! But, I decided to have one anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
13. Stranger at Panera Bread: “Whatever you do don’t have a C-section! They tore me up and spilled my guts out. Also, this bread bowl is amazing — you should try it.”
Yes. This conversation actually happened to me.
14. “Ugh, I’m never gonna see you after you pop this kid out!”
I’m having a baby, not dying. But thanks for your faith in our friendship.
15. “What parenting style are you guys doing?”
Um, our parenting style is keep the kid alive, and try to raise someone who is not a total asshole.
- The Women's March on Washington was one of the largest protests in the city's history.
- Trump's spokesman held a press conference to blame grass coverings for "minimizing" the crowd at the inauguration 🤔
- Members of the national security community reacted with shock after Trump attacked his critics while giving a speech at CIA headquarters.
- "SNL" featured a shirtless Vladimir Putin celebrating America's newest President.