We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the most unbelievable things that people said when they were pregnant, and the answers were even crazier than we could have imagined.
1. What the actual fuck?
"I worked at a thrift store while pregnant. There was a woman who dressed like a cat and came in every day. She purred at my stomach, rubbed it, and told me I would have beautiful kittens." —stephanieneomam
2. Alternative facts.
“You’re going to breastfeed right? If you don’t your baby will grow up to be stupid.” —allisonp43bdf018e
3. Mind your own business, thank you very much.
"I didn't wear my wedding ring while pregnant because my fingers were swollen. I was five months pregnant with our third child when these two older customers asked me how far along I was. When I told them, they told me I was huge for this being my first and only five months along. I smiled and told them it was my third, then they went on to tell me what a disgrace I was for having three baby daddies. I told them I've been married for six years and my fingers are too swollen to wear my ring. Then they asked me how old my other two were. When I said 2 and 4 they decided to tell me how disgusting I am, having so much unprotected sex with my husband to have kids so close in age. I literally did not know what to say after that!" —Lindsay Joyce Ochoa, Facebook
4. You do you.
"After announcing on Facebook that I was pregnant, I had a distant relative email me; 'I didn't know you were married.' I am not married, which was my reply. They continued to grill me about when and if I was getting married. Once I told them no, they waited a bit before they sent this question: 'Were you artificially inseminated then since you're not married?' Needless to say, I no longer speak to that person. Seriously, who thinks it is okay to ask questions such as that?" —Brittney Taylor, Facebook
5. No permission needed, thanks.
"When I was pregnant with my daughter, my mom went to visit my aunt and uncle. My uncle called me to say hello. His first words were, 'Who gave you permission to get pregnant?' and after seeing my picture, he called back to tell me to cross my legs because I’m so big I could give birth at any moment." —megandbethea
6. Time to call HR.
"Paraphrasing a coworker when I announced I was eight weeks along: 'Oh you're not really pregnant until you're 12 weeks. Before that, you'll probably lose it anyway.'" —Amy Overmier Holt, Facebook
7. YOU'RE the parasite, dude.
"I was catching up with some friends and they invited a mutual friend of theirs. I was about four months pregnant at the time and when my friends asked how I was doing, their friend quickly piped up with, 'Pregnancy is so gross. It’s just a parasite growing in you sucking away your life.'
I’ve never wanted to clam punch someone so hard in my life." —megandbethea
8. What year is it again?
"Upon hearing I was going back to work, 'I feel so sorry for your child, for any child that has to go to daycare. Why doesn’t your husband provide better for you?'" —rachelsporyh
9. Oh, the beautiful irony.
"I was shopping with my husband and a woman approached me to give me some advice. Ironically, her advice was that there will be family, friends, and strangers who feel the need to give unsolicited advice and that it’s best to just nod and say 'Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind'. So I smiled at her, nodded, said 'Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind'. It went right over head and she continued on for another few minutes before I finally was able to escape." —heartofthesea
10. Um...I'll keep that in mind, thanks.
"When I was in my last trimester, I went shopping at a local garden center and the proprietor took it upon herself to explain what labor would be like to me. She said, 'It’s going to feel like you have to take the biggest dump of your life.'" —gracers
11. Not helpful.
"When I was six months along, my husband and I stopped at a random Walmart so I could use the restroom. The security guard at the front said, 'You 16-year-olds gotta stop getting pregnant' to me as I walked by. I was 20 at the time, and I had to pee so badly that I didn't have time to stop and yell at him. By the time I came out, he was gone and I didn't have the energy to hunt down a manager to tell on him." —Sharon Hudgins, Facebook
12. NO. Just stop.
"I had a much older co-worker say to me, 'You must be having a girl, you’ve gotten very ugly. You see, when you’re carrying a girl she takes away your looks for herself.' I nodded, then cried in the bathroom for ten minutes." —Alexis
13. Bless her heart.
"One woman, who was extremely religious, somehow got it in her head that I was a college student who got pregnant through rape. She came to my store TWICE to hold my hand, cry, and load me up with pamphlets on her church. I was 30, happily married to my husband of four years, and had literally never spoken to this woman before." —Emmay Friedenson, Facebook
14. I think we'd all throat punch that person.
"This was actually said to my sister. She had gotten pregnant a few months after losing her first baby during the first trimester. So this baby, my nephew, was her rainbow baby! Well, someone, after finding out she was pregnant again, said something along the lines of, 'Again?! Didn’t you guys learn after the first time!?!?' Though it’s been over 4 years, I would still throat punch them for that, if given the chance." —katyatatianaa
15. The ultimate clap back.
"Keep in mind I was a 26-year-old independent working woman when I found out I was pregnant. I was seven months pregnant when I was asked, 'Just what are you going to do with a baby?' by my uncle who has a child that my grandmother had raised since he was six months old! My response to him was, 'More than you’ve done with yours.' That shut him up real quick." —melissag402fab985
16. That escalated quickly.
"I was about eight months pregnant when my mom called me and told me to make sure I watched some news segment that night about pregnancy because it 'could be interesting.' The story was about the fact that murder is the leading cause of death in pregnant women…thanks, mom. To be fair, she called me within five minutes of it starting, apologizing profusely and saying that she absolutely didn’t think my husband was going to murder me in my sleep." —michellep25
17. Time for a second opinion.
"I was at my third visit with my OBGYN and after the exam he sat down to talk to me. He wanted to know exactly how I was going to raise my child, when I was marrying the father, and told me point blank that I needed to take my septum piercing out before I got any further along. I just sat there in shock that a doctor would talk to me like talk that, I mean this was 2001 not the 1950’s. I didn’t reply to anything because I knew I would just burst into tears. I got up, left the office, cried in my car for a half hour and then went on the search for a new doctor." —sarahlovesartis
18. Beware the step-monster.
"Less than 12 hours after giving birth, my Dad’s wife, who never had kids poked my belly and asked why I was still fat if the kid was out already. Took all my strength not to smack her." —laurelc
19. Fat shaming isn't cute. Even when puppies are involved.
"This happened to a co-worker: we work at an animal shelter. She was showing some customers a puppy and one of them told her it looked like she was about to have a litter of puppies herself." —lesaurores
20. Hands off, weird stranger.
"I was waiting in a class at the gym and a woman put her hands on my belly (without permission) and asked how far along I was. As I proceeded to inform her I was eight months she became a doctor all of a sudden and told me how I shouldn’t be working out and taking this class. I informed her my doctor approved me to work out and walked away." —dianamaazela
21. Nasty women > judgmental surgeons.
"When I was visibly pregnant, a surgeon who I was working with during an operation asked, 'You won’t do breast-feeding in public right? Because that’s nasty.' He went on to describe the night he took his children to the circus, and a mother with small kids and a baby had the audacity to stay in her seat and breastfeed her little one while her other kids enjoyed the circus." —erynef
22. Out of the mouths of babes.
"I was shopping in target around my eigth month of pregnancy when a seemingly parentless 5-year-old poked me on my leg and asked what was in my belly. I said 'a baby!' And she looked at me dead in the eyes and with her little voice trembling asked 'Wuh.. WHY did you eat a baby?!' I didn’t know what to say. Luckily her mom showed up in the nick of time, but that didn’t stop the girl from staring at me in disbelief every time we crossed paths throughout the rest of my shopping trip." —dameffy
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.