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Things Only Scots Down Under Can Understand

I moved to New Zealand two years ago. Now as the time approaches for me to go back home to Scotland, I thought about what I had learned in my time down under.

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1. You get mistaken for Irish. A lot.


Okay, we are from near-enough the same part of the world. We both drink whisky (and argue over how it's spelled). We both wear kilts. But our ACCENTS ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. Aussie and Kiwi accents are WAY more similar.

2. Everyone will attempt to impersonate your accent.

And usually get it wrong. Although in reverse, it is super fun to attempt a Kiwi accent when you go to the shops. 'Aw yeah bru, ken I get some choculut mulk, ae?'.

3. They love sport and are very, very good at it.

I mean, of course we love sport in Scotland, but we seldom excel in any (apart from Andy Murray and Chris Hoy, bless you beautiful men). But in Australia and New Zealand, they find a sport they are good at, any sport, and go nuts for it. Hell, they even take sports that nobody else in the world seems to really know or understand, and dominate.

4. Seeing Irn-Bru in a supermarket is cause for celebration.

Even if you don't really drink it that often at home, you see it on the shelf in the 'International' section and you lose your mind. And buy it all. And make your pals try the tinned haggis that was there as well. (FYI, not that bad).

5. You freak out when you meet another Scottish person.

There are literally millions of them at home. THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT. But for some inexplicable reason, when you run into another Scot when you are so far away from home, it's like Christmas. 'You're from Arbroath?! No way! I've never been but it's within driving distance from where I'm from!'.

6. They have different fish and chips here, and that's OK.

I mean, look at them. NZ 'fush and chups' are amazing. I would have said before I left Edinburgh that no salt and sauce on a pie supper is just a waste of time, but frankly, they do them different here, and they do them good. And also, two words: Kumara Chips. How I shall miss you.

7. The weather is maybe more extreme than Scotland's.

We pride ourselves on our rubbish weather in Scotland. But, at least it's consistently rubbish. Down here, you don't know what you're going to get. I could be super-sunny one day, and then offensively windy the next. Australia has terrifying hailstorms that are like golf balls falling from the sky. Wellington, NZ's capital, is literally the windiest city on the planet. You are genuinely worried about your small friends flying away into the Cook Strait from a big gust. I will never complain about wind again.

8. You become more patriotic than you ever thought possible.

ANYTHING remotely Scottish, and you are all over it. Go into a pub and ask for only Scottish whisky. Hear The Proclaimers playing in a club and go absolutely mental. Someone asks what you want to watch on the telly and you go, 'Ye ken a Scot invented that?'.

9. Realise that other places might rival Scotland's scenery, and accept it.

Scotland is beautiful. Everyone knows this. But sometimes you just have to accept that other places might be equally as beautiful. Middle Earth is here for a reason. (Don't worry though, we have more castles).

10. Everyone will ask you about the referendum.

'What did you think?' 'Are you British?' 'Is Scotland a country?' 'What did you vote?'.

And you're just like 'I couldn't vote because I've been out of the country for too long'. :(

11. You'll have a piece of you that always wants to go back.

Whether that's back to Scotland when you are 13,000 miles away from it, or back to the Southern Hemisphere where they stole a piece of your heart. Ah, the life of a traveller.

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