Skip To Content

    18 Tips You Need Before Moving In With Your Significant Other

    Welcome home.

    1. Talk specifics before the move—don't save it until after you show up!

    "One big thing about moving into somebody else's house or apartment is that the space is now both of yours," couples therapist and author Lori Gottlieb tells BuzzFeed Life. "And there's a big difference between what feels like home for two people." You might have different ideas about sleep hours, keeping the lights on when you leave the house or watching TV during dinner. Set up a game plan before you move so that you both have some control going into it.

    2. Ask the person moving in, "How can we make this space more yours?"

    Would they like to add a shelf to display their most prized possessions? Is there a piece of artwork that is important to them? "Moving in together is a metaphor," New York-based individual and couples therapist Irina Firstein, LCSW, tells BuzzFeed Life. "The more you let that person into your space, the more you are opening up your life to them."

    3. Put their name on the mailbox.

    "You want the person moving in to feel like they have joint ownership of the space," Firstein says.

    4. Encourage them to bring over as much furniture as they want. You can sort through it together.

    Moving in with just a suitcase and a few odds and ends might feel like you're just passing through. "Bring over everything you'd like to keep, and you can both decide what fits where and if something is worth replacing," Firstein says.

    5. Replace the word "my" with "our" when it comes to the home.

    "If you're the one who has lived in the space longer, get out of the habit of saying 'my' when talking about the space," Gottlieb says. It can make the other person feel like an outsider.

    6. Reorganize closets and figure out where you would both like to keep things.

    Friends / Via

    "Go through cabinets together and place things where both people think it makes sense," Firstein says. One person might feel unsettled not knowing where anything is.

    7. Put both of your names on the lease.

    "Having both names on the lease makes each person feel like they have 50% ownership of the space in a real way," Gottlieb says.

    8. And split the bills up accordingly.

    Ask the person moving in if they wouldn't mind having a few bills in their name. Realistically, these will be the first pieces of mail addressed to them in your now joint mailbox. And it feels good to get back to domestic normalcy.

    9. Discuss how you each feel about friends coming over.

    "If you're moving into someone else's place, they might be used to having friends just drop by," Gottlieb says. "Talk about how late people should stay over and how much notice you should give each other. Your friends are going to need to get used to a new use of your space, too."

    10. Claim a small area in the space to feel more at home in the beginning.

    Where do you like to be on your laptop? Is there a spot where you love to read? "There might be certain places that you prefer for specific reasons," Gottlieb says. "Have ownership of those little spots and respect the places where your significant other goes to relax or be alone."

    11. Let them close a door.

    And don't get offended. Sometimes people like to get ready in private or they may be on a phone call that they'd rather have alone. Let them be alone in a room without feeling like they need an explanation.

    12. Figure out your schedules.

    Who showers in the morning and who showers at night? What time to people like going to bed? Does someone workout before or after work? Get a general idea of what their weekly routine is so you can make a plan of how to make the two fit together.

    13. Have a housewarming.

    "After you feel like the space represents both of you, it could be fun to invite people over," Gottlieb says. It's also a great way to have your two friend groups meet.

    14. Hold off on buying expensive art.

    "Art is complicated because it can be pricey, sentimental, and you can't split it if you were to break up," Gottlieb says. "Don't feel pressured to have the nicest things at the beginning. As you spend more time together, you're going to grow and build your home into bigger and better things."

    15. Don't move their stuff without telling them.

    Always ask them about it first. It can be so frustrating to feel like something has disappeared and that you have no idea where it is. "You'll get into the flow after a little while, but in the beginning, don't do anything that will interrupt the other person's world without asking them," Gottlieb says.

    16. Pick out new bedding together.

    "The bedroom is where you sleep and get intimate," Gottlieb says. Getting a new comforter and sheet set can instantly freshen the room.

    17. Start a project that speaks to something you both enjoy.

    Maybe you both love to cook and have dreamed of an artful spice rack. Or maybe you are book-lovers who have been brainstorming a cool way to display your library. Make a project where you can work together to add a new element to the home that is equally yours.

    18. Be sensitive and understand that both people might need to grieve a little.

    "The person who just moved might miss their old neighborhood or apartment, while the other individual might feel a little out of control while sharing a space that was once all their own," Gottlieb says. "Each person might feel a sense of loss, but that doesn't mean that either of you are unhappy with making the decision to live together."