1. One girl. Two D's.
2. The first time I remember talking to you, it was so pure, naïve, insecure, calculated. Do you remember?
3. I introduced myself to you. Did you know I'm (Censored) girlfriend? Yes! It's about time I meet you! We laughed, from then on smiles and saying hi on campus.
4. Once, twice, three times a woman.
5. She was always a hookup, that's what he told me. How would you feel about that? I imagined you furious, indignant. I imagined that you transposed feelings onto physical, and he was just using you. What you and I have, he said, is something I've never had with anyone else.
6. John Tucker Must Die—have you seen that movie?—the girls basically bond over the fact that this asshole screwed them all over. They become best friends, they all hate him, sure there's warm and fuzzies at the end, but that's about it.
7. I don't want to bond with you over how (Censored) screwed us both over. I hated him. I hated you. It's not a pick a side type of thing. I'm sure you get that.
8. "Dangerous is wrath concealed. Hatred proclaimed doth lose its chance of wreaking vengeance." – Seneca. So I guess you're welcome.
9. I know I'm just a pathetic wounded girl, but what kind of girl actively pursues another woman's boyfriend? I spent a lot of time demonizing you, which was time wasted, because you actively demonize yourself.
10. I don't seek to ruin your reputation; you don't need my help.
11. In high school, I had a teacher Mr. Crehan. He told me, "You can hate me, and you can love me, but if you tell me you don't know how you feel about me—that's when we have a problem." He meant that he wanted to be a person of substance; irrelevant is a person who doesn't take a stand.
12. I would love to say I don't have an opinion on you. It would bring me so much joy to hear your name and ask, "Wait, who is that?" I can't even pretend that's the case.
13. The truth is, I have chosen to be above it. My personal growth sponsored by your study abroad, in large part. Not seeing you, not seeing him. I'm stronger, less spiteful (in part).
14. I love jokes about you. Maybe I lied. Maybe I'm not less spiteful, because God I love it when you're put on blast.
15. Your vagina doesn't get a punch card; you don't get a relationship after your 10th bathroom blow job.
16. Cute nose ring. Sorry about the daddy issues.
17. Sweetie, they all say 'I'm not chubby, I just have big boobs!' They don't get breast reductions, because they know they're lying.
18. Should've got a tummy tuck while you were under the knife.
19. But really, you would've saved a lot of money on the anesthesiologist.
20. My biting comments, my mean jokes, it's so high school, it's so Mean Girls. It's all jealousy. What makes you so spectacular? Why after a year and a half with me would he kiss you? How could he have me fly out to visit him after that? The things he said, how much I played his game, it makes me sick.
21. He made me hate me, he made me feel ugly, and pathetic, and crazy. He made me hate me, and I think he made you hate you, too.
22. What's all happened between us is pretty fucked up. I want to say I have respect for you, because we've both been his targets. I'm sorry, I couldn't respect you if you saved my life.
23. The hours I spent comparing myself to you: physically, socially, every way you could compare two people. It's probably because she has boobs. She's hot. She's funny, and loud, and more social. I wish I could go back and put a smile on my face. I'm fucking beautiful.
24. I know all of this makes me seem like I still hate you. Don't get me wrong. I sure as hell don't like you, bitch, but there's a difference. I felt hate. When I'd see you and my stomach would feel literal heat, and I would think about it for hours, the heat spreading insuppressibly throughout every cell carrying part of my body. Now, when I see you, it's a roll of the eyes and a flip of the hair.
25. It might not be the classiest way to address my emotions, but I'm 20 and take tequila shots like they're bliss bombs that promise I'll wake up spooning a trashcan. Class can wait 'til graduation.
26. They say every relationship is a lesson learned for next time. You've taught me so much, but it sickens me to say we have a relationship.
27. It's okay to not like someone. Especially when the only thing they like more than fucking emotionally distant guys is the attention they give her the five minutes before.
28. If you've learned anything on your end, I hope it's not to fuck with a girl who's got self-respect.
29. If you know what that looks like.
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