Don't Tweet Your Heroes

I tweeted a plea to Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham with the hope that they would use their influence and privilege to elevate the discourse on diversity and empowering women in Hollywood... but felt shut the fuck down instead. *UPDATE: She has since deleted her tweet.

My favorite thing in the world is sitting on the couch with my best friend of 15 years, Jessica while watching GIRLS and destroying a giant pizza.

youtube.com / Via youtube.com

This Hannah moment: Hannah picks up the phone to call Jessa, the one person in her life who can make all the fuckery disappear for just a second if she would just pick up the goddamn phone... this is exactly what it feels like when my Jessica doesn't answer her phone in my time of need. I've never seen anything like this on tv before, and trust me, I watch a shit ton of tv. I've never seen a show with dialogue that felt so real, borderline plagiarizing from the transcripts of my own conversations with girlfriends. I used to feel guilty for putting my wants and needs first if ever it would inconvenience others. I've never seen a show so unapologetic for bouts of selfishness, and that observation was the catalyst to me living a more balanced life. Lena Dunham did that for me. Through GIRLS and the conversations I have with my own friends about the characters' choices, we are able to expand worldviews and continue forging a deeper understanding of each other amidst disagreements and discussions.

My second favorite thing to do is show everyone I know, this sketch from Inside Amy Schumer

youtube.com / Via youtube.com

Raise your hand if you're guilty of deflecting compliments? I know I do it all the time. I also know that one time, a guy said to me,

"Hey, you're really pretty!"

to which I replied, "thank you", and in return he called me cocky and walked away. Amy Schumer nailed it with this sketch and whenever I compliment another woman and she deflects my compliment, I immediately show her this video and we laugh about how ridiculous everything is. Amy Schumer's work opens up dialogues all over my life that I value very much.

Who am I? No one, really.

Via facebook.com

I don't mean that in a negative way, so no need to read that in an Eeyore voice. I just mean that I have zero visibility when it comes to anything related to "Hollywood" and the beast that is "the industry." I know who I am. I am a first generation immigrant who has ping-ponged all over the world and has yet to find her place. I'm a Filipina woman from the Philippines, but I don't look "Asian" enough to play Asian roles in musicals. I have, however, played a Mexican, African American, Native American, and Native Alaskan. Anyone wanna take a crack at how fucked up all that is? Hit me up, I'd LOVE to discuss. I am someone who sings, but doesn't call herself a singer; someone who emotionally types, but is afraid to call herself a writer; someone who can be funny, but isn't a comedian.

I'm almost all those things, but who am I, really? I'm a fan. With the utmost confidence ,I identify, first and foremost, as a fan. I'm a discerning and enthusiastic fan of comedy, television, music, history, movies, and anyone who has a story to tell. I am a fan of dynamic characters and witty and jarring dialogue. I am a fan of men and women with strength. I was a fan of Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer.

I don't know how to feel or talk about race. At all.

Ali de Guzman / Via Twitter: @deguzmonster

The majority of my inner circle is comprised of upper-middle-class white people. I grew up on the south side of Anchorage, Alaska, and there weren't many Filipinos in my classes at school and virtually none who were interested in my after school activities. A lot of Filipinos within our own community referred to me and my family as, "white-washed" because of my mother's decision not to enroll my sisters and me in ESL (English as a second language) classes when we came to the US from the Philippines... and her refusal to let us loiter at the mall like all the other Filipino kids were doing. Those kids called me a hater and told me I had no "Pinoy Pride." This always confused me because unlike the majority of the people hurling those insults, I actually lived in the Philippines for many years and speak the native language, Tagalog fluently. My mother and step-father cultivated my creative talents and my sisters' athleticism through top tier private training, camps, and competitions in lieu of idly being another brown face in the brown crowd. That was our privilege. My parents wanted us to be successful while pursuing our passions because their dream has always been for us to be in an influential position one day and represent the people of the Philippines. How dare anyone accuse us of being anything but a proud Filipino family. To this day, I have never felt welcome within my own community.

As for my white friends, they're all wonderful people who respect the traditional aspects of my culture that my parents expect me (and I choose) to adhere to throughout my life, even if they don't fully understand the who, what, where, and why's of it all. They know how our household works, they eat our food and have even learned some Filipino Folk dances. What I love the most is that they know me well enough to know that they can ask me absolutely anything about my culture without fear of offending me. That being said, there is still a disconnect when it comes to our discussions on race, casting, and diversity in Hollywood. I often bring up my personal struggles with the diversity issues in Hollywood, and my nearest and dearest friends have all said the same thing at one point or another; they say, "Omg ALI...I totally forgot you weren't white."

I always took it as a compliment, but then I really started thinking about why I was so ok with the statement, I TOTALLY FORGOT YOU WEREN'T WHITE! Was it because I considered being white the jackpot of all jackpots and being seen and accepted as one of them meant I was a winner too? Was it because I'm articulate and have no accent? Was it because I'm not Filipino enough and people just forgot? No, that can't be it because I am 50 shades of brown. I'm obviously not white, so how could people "forget that I wasn't white?"

I joined groups on Facebook with names like Women of Color in Comedy, Politicolorful Comics, and Funny Women of Color, just to see what peoples of color with shared interest were talking about. There's a lot of anger out there, and it casts a shadow over the light of laughter that should be shining through all the different colors of comedy.

There was a discussion with over 400 comments regarding Zoe Saldana being cast as musician and civil rights activist, Nina Simone. The gist of it is that the originator of the post was angry that they cast a light skinned black girl to play a dark-skinned Nina Simone. I asked if her rage should be towards Zoe's light skin-tone or the fact that though Saldana does have African Ancestry, she is also part Dominican, Puerto Rican, Haitian, and Lebanese and the role could have gone to an African American actress who more accurately represents Nina Simone in the biopic? I got kicked out of the group after being told to "learn loyalty for the minority."

Another thread was commenting on Scarlett Johanssen being cast as the lead in the live-action version of an anime series called "Ghost in the Shell." 516 comments on a thread of which the original post was, "Fuck racists in Hollywood!!! How they gonna cast a white bitch in an Asian movie? It's Japanese, there are actresses there too you know?!" While I understood their frustration, I still played devil's advocate. I said, "Hey! I feel your frustration, love but I don't think calling Scarlett Johanssen a bitch is going to solve any problems. Let's not make her the issue because she isn't. The studio that made that decision probably looked at her and saw a marketable and capable actress who could helm this female-driven action movie. It would be ideal to have a Japanese actress kicking ass in the movie, but we have to remember that this is a business, and ScarJo brings in $$! Let's focus our efforts on supporting a wider and more diverse range of actors so that everyone becomes someone that the studios can BANK on." ...I was also kicked out of that group. No one understood me, but I knew of at least two people with influence who just might get what I was trying to say. I decided I was going to reach out to Amy and Lena. Because I relate to the work of white women more so than the work of my peers in the WOC groups, I wanted to send a message out there to the women in my WOC groups that just because Amy and Lena are white it doesn't mean WOC like myself can't relate, and it doesn't make me me "disloyal" to being brown.

I have 44 followers on Twitter and half of them are 'bots.

Ali de Guzman / Via Twitter: @deguzmonster

I use Twitter as a dumping ground for my verbal diarrhea. I love having virtually no followers because the bullshit I say that I find hilarious... usually is not. I'm a useless tweeter. My main use of Twitter is to like and re-tweet everything Carl Reiner tweets. That's how cool I am.

This is the tweet I sent into the ether. "Wish that smart&funny women like @amyschumer and @lenadunham could speak for women like me too even tho I don't look like anyone in their #squad." I did the best I could in 140 characters, tagging the celebs and using a popular hashtag. I was definitely not expecting a response from either of them. I thought that if I utilized their twitter handles and the trending hashtag, then someone searching for twitter activity involving any of the above would see the tweet, identify, engage, and start a conversation. Half an hour later I got a notification that read, "Amy Schumer replied to your Tweet." What?

I was Twitterpated when I saw the notification. Amy Schumer replied to me. What? She's REAL-

Ali de Guzman / Via Twitter: @deguzmonster

-LY REALLY not interested in discussing this with me at all. My heart sank when I read, "we speak for ourselves." Yes, yes you do speak FOR yourself, but you're speaking TO over 4 million followers. Then she went after my use of #SQUAD. I would have typed "Friendship" but I'm only allowed 140 characters. Was I being sensitive? Defensive? Probably definitely, but it doesn't take away from the fact I felt genuinely let down by someone I admired.

I tried to keep the conversation going...

Ali de Guzman / Via Twitter: @deguzmonster

...hoping she would see that I was sincerely trying to engage her in a larger conversation, one she could greatly influence.

And I didn't want her to think I was trying to attack her or Lena in any way

Ali de Guzman / Via Twitter: @deguzmonster

But no response. I don't blame her at all, but I was really hoping she was the kind of person who would surprise me with a little more engagement. I read her reply to my initial tweet over and over again. Was she being defensive? Am I being way too defensive now by writing all of this? Lena didn't respond at all, so as far as I know we're cool and it's business as usual of her not knowing I exist.

What was I expecting? What was the point of any of this? Who cares?

Who knows. It's fucking Twitter so it shouldn't matter, right? Who cares? I do.

A friend of mine asked: "What can a famous white girl say "for" a non-famous non-white girl? Just general encouragement?" Yeah...for sure encouragement, but maybe also acknowledge that she is an influencer and be more open to uncomfortable but real conversations with real fans. I'm not even going to pretend like I know Amy Schumer beyond what I see, read, and hear from content that is available to me, but I can't help but feel like this is a perfect example of celebs who feel zero responsibility to use their privilege and influence to advocate for things like diversity, but then get defensive when asked why it seems like exclusively only support and promote other women who look like them or travel in the same social circles. When I say privilege, I'm referring to the privilege of getting to do what you love while financially surviving...and then some. It is a privilege to have an audience and I think a lot of people forget that. Not just her, but celebrities in general. I totally understand that they cannot reply to every single tweet; I understand that they are under no obligation to represent anything or anyone they want; I understand that there are people out there who want to get close to them for their own advancement. But please, dear celebrities...you're people, not deities. Do you remember before you were even a little bit famous and you were just an excited fan too? I really wish you could. I really wish you would.

If you are a celebrity reading this and you feel like you don't have a responsibility to do good things for anyone other than those on "your level" kindly step aside because you're doing it all wrong. I'm sure you have all the money and attention you need. Give someone out there a chance to use the position more responsibly.We are living in a time where people are laughing at politicians and listening to comedians; musicals are educating and reintroducing the masses to elementary American History; the many facets of media are opening dialogues across the world. Now, more than ever, those in the public eye have the ability to implement some real and necessary changes for the better.

And after all is said and done I'm still a fan of anyone with guts and a big hard funny bone-r.

The purpose of this is not to shit on Amy. I said it in my tweet and I'll say it again, please don't misinterpret my curiosity for hate, as I celebrate you both." She's a human being. She took the time to respond to me when she could have easily ignored the tweet. I don't want my response and reaction to discourage her from engaging with her fans because she is truly beloved. If by chance there's an opportunity to clear the air and really get inside Amy Schumer, I'd love that. Maybe none of this makes any sense (I told you I wasn't a writer). Maybe this was all in my head and I'm just really insecure and emotional about all of it, but I'm putting this out there anyway because I feel strongly about all of the above and I just really need to talk.

...Hi!