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Posted on Feb 15, 2015

7 Indicators That You’re A Health Goth

Chainsmoking cigarettes and drinking Absinthe with friends is so 1996. Real goths can't reach spiritual enlightenment if they're sitting at home ingesting toxins. Instead, they're turning to health goth extremes, saving their blackened souls from an untimely death. Are you a health goth? Read this list and decide for yourself.

by Alicia Eler

Community Contributor

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7 Indicators That You’re A Health Goth

1. You used to love smoking cigarettes, but now even the occasional American Spirit makes you feel sick.

2. You invite other health goths to go on hikes with you, and then take photos which you later overlay with a bat.

3. You keep a beautiful succulent garden in your backyard. You love all plants and animals, even the raccoons that ravage your compost.

4. You find yourself skipping seances to stay home and do one-hour restorative yoga classes off of YouTube.

5. You’d rather be on the beach doing yoga with your health goth homies.

6. Like your normcore goth cousins, you always wear black jeans and Converses

7. You love researching the mainstreamification of alt subcultures, and in your heart you know that #thistrendisdead

7 Indicators That You’re A Health Goth

1. You used to love smoking cigarettes, but now even the occasional American Spirit makes you feel sick.

2. You invite other health goths to go on hikes with you, and then take photos which you later overlay with a bat.

3. You keep a beautiful succulent garden in your backyard. You love all plants and animals, even the raccoons that ravage your compost.

4. You find yourself skipping seances to stay home and do one-hour restorative yoga classes off of YouTube.

5. You’d rather be on the beach doing yoga with your health goth homies.

6. Like your normcore goth cousins, you always wear black jeans and Converses

7. You love researching the mainstreamification of alt subcultures, and in your heart you know that #thistrendisdead

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