1. The bouncer
You rock up to Jake's with sass, the bouncer instantly shoots you down. That didn't go well. He didn't remember you from last week. He tells you to join the back of queue like everyone else, which means you're shivering your arse off by the time you get to the front. You sheepishly duck in, and after enough going in and out for fresh air and cig breaks, he lightens up. You start to think you've probably got him on side for next week. You almost certainly haven't.
2. The cute bartender
This guy warms to you. And once you make his life easier and change your longwinded Margarita order at Neon Cactus to straightforward shots, you're on his good side. Your chat loosens, your tips get more generous, and you share your shots with him. It's only at 4am when he wants to go home and you're still at the bar demanding tequila that he's cursing you.
3. The guy who buys you a drink
You'll either thank him for the drink, make small talk and scarper, or you'll thank him for the coffee in the morning when you're waking up in his bed in Headingley.
4. The colleague
This is awkward. They only ever see you at work when you're an image of sobriety and sensibility, yet here you are slurring your words, swaying, and lacking spatial awareness in the middle of the dance floor in Smokestack. You hope they're more drunk than you so they don't remember you bitching about your boss come Monday morning.
5. The new best friend in the bathroom
You drop your lipstick down the toilet in Fruity, she kindly lets you borrow hers and you're best friends from that point on. Or for the next 5 minutes at least. You chat and gush over each other's outfits — you can't believe it's from Primark either — whilst waiting for the rest of your gaggle to finish touching up their make up. You take a couple of selfies to document the newfound friendship and you leave the bathroom vowing to be besties for lyf. The next morning you wake up and scroll through your phone, and have no recollection of either the photos or the girl.
6. The bitch
As soon as you walk in, she's got it in for you. Don't get on the wrong side of her, don't push in at the bar, and don't go after the guy she's been sashaying up to. It will end in hair pulling and bruises.
7. The McDonalds waiter
This guy hates you. He genuinely despises you. It's 4am and you're not even contemplating going home without a McChicken sandwich in tow. You stumble through the doors at the bottom of Briggate and join the 120 other people who pretty much tripped from Call Lane to here with the same idea. You wait, moaning loudly about the length of the queue, trying to butt in, and chatting at what you think is a normal volume. It's not. You finally arrive at the front of the queue and the waiter asks what you want with an eye roll. You make a point of not liking their tone before ordering your McChicken sandwich and large fries, and scrabbling around in your bag for coins. Your friend then comes over and asks you to order them a burger too, so you go through the whole rigmarole again. But wait, you didn't show your student card. And you're not leaving without a free burger. The waiter basically throws it at you, along with the myriad of condiments you requested and you leave trilling, "Have a great niiiiiiiight." You feel the daggers in your back as you leave, hopping in your cab back to Hyde Park.
8. The taxi driver
You start your conversation lines with "Mr Cab Driver" and he finds it either amusing or belittling. This determines how the rest of the journey pans out. You then sit in the back, silently the whole way (a painfully long journey from Belgave to Far Headingley), scoffing your fries and trying very hard not to anger him more by dropping them on the floor. But if he takes your drunken jokes well, it'll be laughs all the way back and your taxi journey will be the best bit of the night. You'll put in music requests and proceed to sing along all the way back to Headingley. He either joins in or breaks suddenly and often, willing you to stop.
