We hope you love our recommendations! Some may have been sent as samples, but all were independently selected by our editors. Just FYI, BuzzFeed and its publishing partners may collect a share of sales and/or other compensation from the links on this page.
1. A copy of You Are a Badass, a hilarious self-help book that's zero percent cheesy and will remind you that you are not, in fact, a swamp monster, but you are capable of amazing things.
2. An Urban Decay Naked 3 palette to help you find your inner makeup artist once again. Since you're probably a little rusty, you may need the help of a YouTube beauty guru, but you'll have the goods to get the job done right.
3. A pack of acne patches that'll suck all the gross stuff out of your zits and magically make them disappear overnight. They have super-thin edges that blend in with your skin and can be used for larger breakouts on your cheeks, forehead, back, and chin (you can trim 'em for smaller blemishes).
4. An emotional barometer to help you get in touch with your feelings, because you are a human and you have those. They'll teach you how to check in with yourself, so your inner ogre doesn't show it's face to the ones you love.
5. A tub of exfoliating body scrub that'll buff every inch of your body without feeling too abrasive. It's got a beachy scent that'll leave your bathwater (and you) smelling bomb, too.
6. A set of sponge cloths made from wood pulp to clean up all those messes you've been ignoring, without even touching paper towel. They can absorb about 15 times their weight in water, making them real saviours for cooking crises and wine spills.
7. A Samsung fitness tracker that'll monitor your heart rate, exercise, sleep quality, and more so that you know exactly what's happening with your health. It may encourage you to work up a sweat and stay in touch with your body.
8. And a set of colourful resistance bands that'll help you get the booty of your dreams without having to leave the comfort of your own home. Just fire up those fitness videos and get to squatting.
9. A bottle of Living Proof dry shampoo that will make your dirty hair feel clean without even stepping in the shower (because let's face it, even though you aren't a monster, hygiene is not our top priority ATM). It also makes for a stellar texturizing spray, if you want to add a little body to your 'do.
10. A pair of cork massage balls that'll do big things for aches and pains (essential if you've been walking around like the Hunchback of Notre Dame). They're great for relieving muscle soreness and can work their magic on pretty much any muscle with a bit of rolling around.
11. A fancy shmancy fabric shaver that'll remove lint and pilled fabric that's accumulated on your carpet, furniture, clothes, and everything in between. It's about the size of a tennis ball, so it won't take up a ton of cupboard space.
12. An agave lip mask from BITE Beauty to exfoliate your dry lips keep your pout lookin' pretty. If you've been suffering from a case of super-chapped lips and lip balm isn't doing the trick, this stuff is a life-saver.
13. An easy-to-use productivity journal that'll help you declutter your schedule and start accomplishing some tasks. If you're looking to get organized and procrastinate less, you need this in your life.
14. A HelloFresh box that'll make cooking dinner a breeze. All the ingredients are pre-portioned and the recipes take under an hour to make, so you won't be tempted to eat a sleeve of cookie dough instead of a real meal (again).
15. A set of expandable drawer dividers that'll make your dresser store-level tidy. Now you won't create a floordrobe every time you go looking for a shirt!
16. A pair of round Ray-Ban sunnies that'll make you look effortlessly stylish, even when you haven't slept a wink. The nose pads keep these specs perfectly in place, so they never slide down your nose (even when you've worked up a sweat).
17. This legendary, blood-red peeling solution from The Ordinary that you've probably seen on TikTok, Instagram, and every other social media platform. It'll clean out your congested pores, deeply exfoliate your skin, and make your face super smooth (aka everything you want and need).
18. A fancy dual-function vibrator to get you back in your ~groove~. The wand and exterior vibrators can be controlled independently, so you really can tailor your vibe to suit your needs.
19. A Stasher reusable silicone bag that'll encourage you to prep healthy snacks before you become a hangry monster and storm your pantry for crackers. They're leakproof and can be used in the freezer, microwave, and even the oven (up to 400 °F).
20. A glitzy highlighting cream that'll make you shine with the light of a thousand suns. Nothing says, "I've put my life back together" like some seriously dewy skin.
21. A pair of Lululemon Wunder Under tights that are great for working out, but also super comfy for lounging around in. If it's (finally) time to change out of your sweatpants these will make you feel a little more put together.
22. A panda-themed UV drying lamp that'll help you get a salon-level gel mani, without leaving the comfort of your home. It has a built-in timer that'll let you know when it's time to switch hands, so you'll never overdo it.
23. And finally, a bottle of ultra-hydrating Mario Badescu facial mist that'll make you feel awake and alive in just a few spritzes. It'll also save your skin from dryness, because it's packed it with nourishing herbs and oils.
You trying to remember how to act like a person:
