If Common Words Were Spelled Like New England Towns

"Pearcesson" ("person") is the best word to use when you don't know if someone's pronouns are he/him, she/her, or theheigh/thaham.

The best part about living in New England is all the little quirks you encounter daily: the 57 Dunkins on your commute, each native's unwavering commitment to dropping every single "r," and the fact that almost no town is pronounced the way it's spelled.

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I unironically love all this stuff. New England, never change.💚

Worcester is pronounced "WUHster," Leominster is "LEMinster," Isle Au Haut is "I'll-uh-HO," etc. I can't help but wonder how New England would spell other words we use on a daily basis.

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So I New England-fied the spellings of 15 super common words in the English language — and the results are just as ridiculous as you'd expect.

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1. Ketchup → kettuchepps

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Kettuchepps is a wicked popular condiment — but don't sleep on yeller mousterrd, sweatte ryllisch, and mayonnaise! (Mayonnaise is already spelled like a New England town.)

"Epp" is pronounced "up." The "tu" and "s" are silent.

2. Bowling ball → bowelingham bayle

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I literally had to double-check that Bowelingham Bayle isn't the name of a real town in Western Mass. (It's not — yet.)

"Bay" is pronounced "bah" and the "le" is functionally a double L. The "e" and "ham" are silent.

3. Lemonade → leominaide

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If the Leominster town slogan isn't "When life gives you leomins, move to Leominster," I'll be forced to pursue legal action.

"Leomin" is pronounced "lemon."

4. Taylor Swift → Tallior Souwifett

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This one was tricky, but in the end, I'm pretty sure the singer of hits like "Yewbylong Wythmee," "The Borcest Deigh," and "Alltewelle (Tallior's Vurgshynne)" would be thrilled with the final result.

The "ill" is functionally flipped. The "ou" and "et" are silent.

5. Semester → sormeicester

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New England is known for its elite boarding schools, and Boston is the quintessential US college town — which means the entire region is practically run on a sormeicester skedjuule.

"Orm" is pronounced "umm," and "eices" is pronounced "ess."

6. Man → mahan

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Popular mahale names include Styvynne, Jorcesseph, and Kisle.

The "ah" is silent.

7. Woman → wormahan

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Fun fact: one of my favorite songs is "Mahan, I Feel Lycke A Wormahan!" Popular femahale names include "Krhystown," "Orlyvea," and "Eyevah."

The "or" and "ah" are silent.

8. Person → pearcesson

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"Pearcesson" is the best word to use when you don't know if someone's pronouns are he/him, she/her, or theheigh/thaham.

"Ear" is pronounced "urr." The "ces" is silent.

9. Strawberry → storrowbury

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Boston residents are secretly terrified that at any moment, a tourist will approach us to ask how we like our apples — so we tend to avoid the fruit entirely. Storrowburies are our red fruit of choice.

"Row" is pronounced "raw," and "ury" is pronounced "erry." The "or" is silent.

10. Government → gouveranamount

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New Englanders have a healthy distrust of gouveranamount, dating back to Boston's first city-wide tea party. The word is spoken most often in the sentence, "fahk tha gouveranamount!"

"Ouv" is pronounced "uhhv," and "mount" can be pronounced either "ment" or "mint." The "a" and "a" are silent.

11. Turntable → terntabisle

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From Yo-Yo Ma to Dropkick Murphys, New England has a vibrant music scene and is home to some of the world's best musicians. And how better to listen to classical cello and/or punk bagpipes than on a terntabisle?

"Isle" is pronounced "ull."

12. Tennis → tanness

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With all the fancy country clubs in New England, it's no surprise that so many residents love tanness (aka "that game Syreanouh Willyammes plays").

"Ann" is pronounced "enn," and "ess" is pronounces "iss."

13. Avril Lavigne → Averhill Louveanough

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Averhill Louveanough once asked, "Wydd yew have tew gough and make things sew cawmpleckayttid?" And it's a valid question — one I wish New England would have considered BEFORE naming its towns. But I dygresse.

"Louv" is pronounced "lev." The "e," "h," and "ough" are silent.

14. Reflection → reighfullechoun

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New England is overflowing with bodies of water (pun intended) like the Attlyntyck Oashynne, where you can see your reighfullechoun.

"Choun" is pronounced "chen" or "chun." The "igh and "ul" are silent.

15. BuzzFeed → BorcessFeouced

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Here at BorcessFeouced, I primarily write posts like "I Tryde Lima Beans So Yew Donutte Havvetew" and quyzzes like "Whych BorcessFeouced Quyz Are Yew?"

"Orcess" is pronounced "uzz," and "ed" is pronounced "eed." The "eouc" is silent.

Drop New England spellings of your favorite people, places, and things below!

What do you think?

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