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If you're a parent, you've probably been frequently baffled by the things your child says and does to the point of thinking, "Uhhh...that's WILD."
Which is why when humorist and parent-about-Twitter Kristen Mulrooney tweeted about how her 2-year-old cryptically announced that she always puts apple cores "underneath" (underneath where?!?!?), it totally resonated with people.
2-year-old wandered away with an apple and came back empty handed. I said “Where’s your apple? Apple cores go in the trash,” and she looked at me funny and said “No, I always put my apple cores underneath.” UNDERNEATH WHAT?? I AM ALARMED.
Kristen told BuzzFeed that she has yet to discover what "underneath" means: "One would think it's under the couch, but who's to say?"
The responses to Kristen's tweet were filled with parents sharing similarly hilarious stories about their own kids' personal food scrap graveyards. These are some of the best replies:
1.
@missmulrooney My nephew’s meat bones often disappear from his plate at dinner. He said they’re in his secret house. He never leaves the table at dinner. We don’t know where the bones go.
2.
@missmulrooney A sippy cup full of milk disappeared in my house when my daughter was 2. She's 10 now and I'm very afraid.
3.
@missmulrooney When I was a kid my parents insisted I eat all the food on my plate -- including cooked onions, which I hate. I snuck them into a napkin and put them under their bed. For years.
4.
@missmulrooney I found a thorough collection of wrappers and apple cores under a couch in my basement, courtesy of my daughter. Horrifying
5.
@missmulrooney My sister famously used to shove her green beans into a vent when she “went to the bathroom” during dinner. I have never been clear how she managed it but the look of trauma on my mothers face when she described finding them will be with me forever.
6.
@missmulrooney @clhubes Former 2-year-old, current Ph.D. candidate, once created a entire checkerboard out of sliced cheese that he stuck onto the picture window in our living room. Good times.
7.
@missmulrooney After my son moved out of the house as an adult, we took the kitchen table off for refinishing. In a little nook near his seat at that table, petrified broccoli. Lots of it. I mean, 18 years? SMH
8.
@missmulrooney On a bus with my oldest when he was four, he asked me what was in his pocket? And then pulled out a chicken nugget. I don’t know where he found the nugget or how long it had been in there because it wasn’t from our house.
9.
@missmulrooney I discovered recently that my 3 year old has been taking a hot dog out of the frig to bed every night, "just in case I get sad". And I... what?? Basically, I hope you don't find a pile of apple cores in the bed, bc let me tell you some smells never come out of sheets.
10.
@missmulrooney Did you know that hot dogs will eventually turn to a sort of meat powder? I know that, now.
11.
@missmulrooney As a kid I used to slide unwanted food items underneath the fridge as if I was playing shuffleboard. Thought I was brilliant. Never took into account that one day my parents would remodel the kitchen.
12.
@missmulrooney My kids stashed food that they liked in weird places: the older one would forget, so 2 wks later you'd find chunks of cake or raisin toast inside toy trucks😵💫 the younger one remembers but then gets offended that I won't let him eat pizza that's been in the cupboard for 2 days
13.
@PurpleCar @missmulrooney @clhubes I found 8 uneaten apples in my 12 year old’s backpack last year, after a day or two of trying to figure out what the weird smell in his room was. I was packing an apple every day for him and he was keeping them in his backpack in a paper bag!
14.
@missmulrooney I used to put my uneaten peas in my milk. Glass was opaque. It stopped the day my Dad decided to chug my leftover milk. 😂
15.
@missmulrooney Our hen once laid a very round egg. Which Google said was rare and likely valuable. It went to school for show and tell. I thought it had stayed there. Until I unfortunately discovered Child had made a nest for it in sock draw for months! to keep it warm to hatch it 🤢 🤮 💨
16.
@missmulrooney When I was around 4, I liked to suck all the juice out of big dill pickles and leave them on a window ledge to dry out for a few days before eating them. Nobody in my family disturbed those pickles.
17.
@missmulrooney Allegedly, when I was 3 or 4 years old I would wake up at 4:00am, eat multiple apples, and stuff the cores in my mom’s shoes before anyone woke up. Not sure how often that happened but enough that my mom was not happy.
18.
@missmulrooney My niece used to not be able to sleep unless she had a grapefruit with her in bed. Or an orange if no grapefruit. We called it “sleeping with citrus”.
19.
@missmulrooney @clhubes My 8yo would spit out her apple peels as a toddler... Had an apple on the way home from daycare every day. Realized the problem in the spring, when my car started smelling like fermented apples. My backseat was full of tiny baby nibbles of apple peels.
20.
@missmulrooney The bushes? I apparently used to throw my food out the window into the bushes when no one was looking
21.
@missmulrooney My firstborn used to decorate the christmas tree with food he didn't finish. Lots of hot dogs and rotis. I kept trying to take them off as they appeared, but I definitely missed some, which only became apparent when we took the tree down.
22.
@missmulrooney My little cousin once put a whole peanut butter sandwich into the VCR tape slot. Those apple cores are in Narnia by now.