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    👩‍🔬 I Was Working For BuzzFeed Late One Night 💻 When My Eyes Beheld A Funny Sight 👀 For 28 Hilarious Women Began To Tweet 🐦 And Gave Us All A Halloween Treat 🎃 They Made Us Laugh! 💀 (These Tweets Will Make You Laugh!) 😂

    "one time i was on an elevator and a guy dropped a bunch of loose grapes on the ground then was like 'sorry i haven’t eaten grapes in a while' & i think about him every day" —@_chase_____

    Anyone else remember singing that wild-ass song as a kid that went, "Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat! If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear!" We were basically just a bunch of pint-sized Tony Sopranos extorting our neighbors for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

    Tony saying, "All this from a slice of gobagool?"

    Make sure you look out for roving mobs of pantsing children this Halloween. And make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter!


    Gonna write a horror movie about a creature that grows in a woman, comes out and follows her around for 18 yrs demanding she feed him.

    Twitter: @Eden_Eats


    we gave morning people way too much power

    Twitter: @mollypriddy


    You think after 11 years of marriage you really know your spouse, and then last night I found out mine uses his notes app by keeping EVERYTHING - grocery lists, reminders, birthday present ideas - in ONE LONG NOTE

    Twitter: @baddestmamajama


    I'm talking to my mom about how these dating apps suck and she tells me to develop my relationship with the Lord. Respectfully he's not going to eat my-

    Twitter: @aprettyPR


    has anyone considered releasing an album containing songs that are fast

    Twitter: @missmollymary


    It’s called Thanksgiving in your hometown…

    Twitter: @hellotorifletch


    When the flight attendant comes around to collect trash, I lock eyes to make sure she sees me put my free-cookie wrapper in the bag I am helpful. I can be trusted in the sky.

    Twitter: @BrookeKnisley


    Batman really gave me an unrealistic idea of how involved a city’s electorate would be in local politics. It’s a fantasy land where people are informed about their mayoral candidates

    Twitter: @isabelzawtun


    One of my bra straps broke and now one tit is hanging down all limp and sad next to the other one like, I'm fine, I'll catch up, go on without me

    Twitter: @Mom_Overboard


    Whenever a dating app asks my body type it’s like ok let me schedule a 2.5 hour therapy session and get back to you

    Twitter: @ginnyhogan_


    “What do you want for dessert?” Me: Assorted berries.

    Twitter: @HollyBallantine


    Me to me after most first dates

    Twitter: @omgskr


    one time i was on an elevator and a guy dropped a bunch of loose grapes on the ground then was like “sorry i haven’t eaten grapes in a while” & i think about him every day

    Twitter: @_chase_____


    Twitter: @thelasstime


    I made the Olivia Wilde salad dressing and I can report that my husband did not voluntarily lie underneath my car. It does not work.

    Twitter: @hellotorifletch


    if god didn’t want me to tweet every 10 minutes he wouldn’t have given me adhd and an insatiable desire for the approval of strangers

    Twitter: @tinysquash


    "yes or no mom, they outside waiting for me"

    Twitter: @miacsosa


    I have played the part of the helicopter on the Bachelor & Bachelorette since season one. Today, I was fired. They said I was “too old” and had “saggy tits” and “wasn’t a helicopter” and was “deeply delusional.” Please sign my petition to have me reinstated as the 🚁. link in bio

    Twitter: @WendyMolyneux


    when the Arab man say "but for you my friend" you know he’s about to lay a nice deal 😭

    Twitter: @miacsosa


    Assuming Count Chocula is as old as Dracula (roughly 600 years), and that his obsession with chocolate developed before his 100th year-- when conquistadors and friars began introducing it to Europe-- one must conclude that Count Chocula is, in the final analysis, Mexican

    Twitter: @rajandelman


    I may not know the whole Periodic Table but I can tell you the names of the entire discontinued scents of Bath and Body Works.

    Twitter: @RiotGrlErin


    4yo: mom, I said 'freeze,' so remember you're a statue now and you can't move me, driving:

    Twitter: @deloisivete


    so sad to see 2 men fighting… they should be digging a hole at the beach together

    Twitter: @cat_elg


    my roommate is terrible at remembering lyrics and is currently in the shower singing "something something armadillo, something something armadillo, something something armadillo, armadillo suitcase, we didn't start the fire-"

    Twitter: @ellewasamistake


    but what about toys for those cats who are lazy and stupid? hmm?

    Twitter: @lizzzzzielogan


    getting ur clit rubbed by a dj prolly go crazy, he down there like wikiwikiwiki

    Twitter: @yaitskayy


    Why does Instacart want me to order bananas by the pound? You order bananas by the banana. Nobody knows how much bananas weigh. Excited to find out if I bought 3 bananas or 19 bananas, will update when they get here.

    Twitter: @missmulrooney


    My Brain is like the library of Alexandria but post burning and if there hadn’t been that much in it to begin with

    Twitter: @gracecamille_

    Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women!

    29 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Have Me Screaming, Crying, And Throwing Up